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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 5/15/2006 10:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Is there an end? i've been down... As low as i thought possible... But i'm so tired... It's been about 8 years since i've laughed... Lately... i've passed up being numb... i can't stop crying....

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 5/15/2006 11:56 PM (GMT -6)   
I know exactly how you feel Narianna. Many good things happened but none can make us happy. Feeling so down and tired of everything. Faithless and helpless. Then feel sick at myself for being pathetic. Feel bad at myself for hurting the people around me with my unhappiness. falling down and down the hell of depression. There seems no end for the torment...

But you are not alone Narianna. We are not alone. When we thought nobody can understand us, we were actually wrong. There's people who understands. People like us, the depressed. Together we help each other to survive this hell.

Don't hesitate to express and share what u're feeling. Whatever it is, we're here for you. Don't worry. By the way, have you been to any doctor yet? If so, mind telling what you have been diagnosed with and what medication you are currently on?


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/15/2006 11:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Narianna,
Just wanted to say hello, i hope you will come back and share a little more with us, theres some good People here, who have come out the other side,
Im not sure if you mean you have just started to cry and you felt numb until then, i hope that is what you meant, if so, then thats a pretty good sign something is happing within you, and maybe the start of your healing,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/16/2006 2:35 AM (GMT -6)   
welcome to the forum narianna, i share the feelings you have on deppresion , i affected my family badly because of it until i sought some help to relief my deppresion with meds, i wish you the best good luck.
                                                     To be or not to Be

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/16/2006 7:38 AM (GMT -6)   
I am 36. And it took me until 2 years ago to truely laugh. That was after a divorce,moving to a different town,basically changing everything around me.
I remember envying people that I heard laughing. I used to have a complete fake laugh. Covering my mouth when I laughed or making sure that it was not too loud.
Depression takes alot from you. I think in order to heal you have to figure out how to take those things back. It is probably the hardest thing anyone can do.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/16/2006 8:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Narianna,  Welcome to Healing Well forum.  I to hope you come back and share more about yourself with us.  It isn't always easy but in its own way it is freeing and healing just to be able to get out the toxic thoughts that depression tends to bring onto people.  We are always here...take care ~ Elisha


Regular Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 5/16/2006 11:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry Y'all... i had a bit too much to drink last night and watched the Grey's Anatomy season finale... Kinda opened the faucets in my eyes... lol Anyway... Am 22 and been in therapy for 8 years... Have been diagnosed with major depression, general anxiety disorder, and PTSD... i have absolutely no idea where the PTSD came from as i've had the most normal and far from traumatic life... And i'm not just saying that, or covering up something i don't remember, or making excuses... i've had my ups and downs like every teenager does, but my parents love me and have never hurt me either mentally or physically... So i have no idea where that came from... However, i've had 2 professional psychiatric tests over the past 8 years and they both say the same thing... i looked it up online and even saw a movie not too long ago about a kid with it... All the symptoms and stuff match so i dunno... i'm thinkin it has to do mainly with the anxiety cause it seems that PTSD is mainly anxiety anyway... Anyway... lol After that ramble... It feels like i've been on every anti-depressant there is... Lexapro was the only one that ever made me feel and see a difference but then it stopped working... They have me on prozac at the moment... i've been on adderall for about 6 years and straterra for about 4 years... i know neither of those help anxiety and actually tend to worsen it but without the adderall i have no motivation whatsoever... i can't get myself out of bed when i don't have it... i go to an individual therapy session every friday (every first friday of the month is family therapy session) and every Wednesday i go to a group therapy session... All sessions with the same therapist whom i like and trust very much... i've just about always been numb for as long as i can remember... i hate emotions... Happy is wonderful but just doesn't make up for the pain of all the times Ya feel mad, sad, or scared... And i guess it's a good thing to feel the hopelessness and dread, no matter how awful they feel... Even if i hafta drink to do so... lol Anyway, so that's my story... i hope i answered all questions... Thank You all for so many replies...

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 5/17/2006 1:44 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Narianna! How are you doing? Hope you're feeling better. Here's a smile for you - :-)

Oh yes, i never seen you in chatroom. You don't like chatting??


:: Chronic Major Depression :: BPD ::

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 5/17/2006 9:01 PM (GMT -6)   

Narianna:  Not feeling emotions (or wanting to feel them) and going numb has always been my specialty.  It is our protective defense as our mind/body knows that we are not yet equipped to deal with everything on our plate.  But as another member mentioned above, when this numbness starts to melt away, it is our body/minds way of saying that we are ready or need to start dealing with it at least a little bit.

I am at the point where I lost my numbness about 2 years ago.  I have had it since my childhood.  Now in my late 30's I am struggling as I do not know "what to do" with all the difficult feelings that I repressed.

Give yourself a lot of time, patience and support.  Also, perhaps try writing in a journal as a means to work through something and help yourself.  I do believe that someday we will break out of these inner walls and truly feel and experience life at its best.


Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 5/18/2006 1:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Narianna, Glad to see you here. You don't have to feel alone, this is a good place to talk, with alot of understanding people who know how you feel. Together we can help eachother get  through the tough times.  Keep coming back! 
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