I totally hear where you are coming from Shy.
After keeping things locked away for a long time I've recently started opening up to a couple of close friends, thinking they would understand and they are always encouraging me to talk about how I'm feeling, but now that I have I've been told that I have become a burden.
My best friend finally cracked yesterday and told me that I am taking over her head, she worrys about me so much - I don't realise how much etc., and she always worries that I am going to 'do myself in'. It was all very hard to hear - quite a lecture actually, but I respect her for having the guts to tell me at least. It upset me to hear all of what she was saying, but because I hate to put her through that, I really do. She has enough crap to cope with without me adding to it all. So now I feel that I am back to coping on my own again, but I don't see how I can do it on my own, I don't feel strong enough, but I'm going to have to find a way because it simply isn't fair to worry those you care about so much.
I only joined this group today. I have been a member of another online forum before and I beleive that they can help to an extent, sharing things with like-minded people is a good idea, as long as you don't drag one another down, which I guess is always a danger!
Els is right about covering things up. Sometimes it's what you have to do in order to survive. It's like if you keep up the act, then you can convince not just everyone else, but also eventually, yourself that the role you are playing is really you. Which means covering up the pain and hoping that it will go away. Only it never does, it always there until you deal with it and eventually heal. You need to open up to people who you are certain will understand, or who at least try to understand you, otherwise you can damage yourself even more.
I have the same problem with attracting men too. I'm such an Ice Queen, and if i get any attention (only happens when I am drunk!), I ruin it because the drink makes the illness worse and that means that depression will ruin it all for me anyway. It's a vicious cycle.
Know you are not alone Shy.
Take care xx
"You don't know the power that you have... "
~ Tori Amos 'Tear in Your Hand'