Hello everyone, I am new to this site. I have long term depression or you can call it dysthymia. I have been battling depression since I was 8yrs old. For the last 6 months I have been experiencing my lows and what makes it worse i get depressed even more b/c i am in my down period b/c i dont like my kids to see me like that. Nothing excites me, nothing makes me happy, i dont like to be with my friends b/c i have to act like i enjoy being around them. I am in a constant battle with my dad, whom i used to be close too. I also do not care to be in a relationship with anyone, i still care for my ex. We have been separated for about 3 yrs and he is now currently serving a 3yr sentence in prison. Before he relapsed with drugs, I remember being happy and I was able to be happy with my family.
I dont understand why its so hard for me to be happy with what i have, like having healthy kids, a nice home, financially stable, a good job. Its hard for me to smile, everyday as soon as i wake up and through out the day all i can think about is going back home to sleep again, i wish i can sleep my life away or at least sleep until i can wake up being happy.
Im sure some of you are thinking have i taken meds, i have taken almost everything, the best thing for me is seeing my therapist. I have to learn how to cope with my dysthymia. I wish i can make it go away.