I have read some postings and there seems to be alot of supportive people out there. I need some help because I am very depressed I have had phases of this since I was 15yo and 8 years later I am still battling with it and losing. I have trouble sleeping most nights and this seems to triggers depressive thoughts. I haven't been to a doctor and have rung around today. I am alone in a new town (a small not so good town). We moved here because my partner got a good job. I couldn't find one here for months and then I finally got one and went for one day and quit!! How stupid. I had studied for 4 years before that and loved that and then got into teaching and did that for a year and it nearly killed me, the staff weren't supportive and I was working 7am-1am (all nighters), and only had two saturdays off last year. So the thought of moving away to hopefully a better life sounded great. Well now I am here in the new town and I am stuck in a depressive rut. I tried relief teaching and gave up after a day. All through uni I stuck at my jobs and even loved them, then did teaching and can't get over the depressive year I had. I feel like a quiter. I don't know what to do because my family have high expectations. So I don't know what to do. I having found what I meant to do in my life. I can't be bothered getting up in the morning. I cry heaps. I haven't made any friends down here because I feel trapped in the house. I tried to join groups but there ain't much around here. I am so fatigued, have a constant sore neck, anxiety, panic attacks and headaches and zero motivation. I have no clue what I am doing here, I don't know who I am, and sometimes it would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on. I never really think about suicide because that would be tooo much effort. I know that this is a chance for me to get fixed. Because it seems the same old record is playing each time, I know what the lesson is, but it is real hard for me to learn it and I am wasting my life away. I wish I could stop feeling negative and sad. Would drugs help? I have tried hard for so many years to not need them, but I can't do this by myself anymore. I just feel like getting up going to work kills me both mentally and physically. Does everyone feel like this? Is it possible to find who I am and do something I love. Sorry for this moan. i simply don't know what else to do. What are some good depression drugs and sleeping drugs? What do I need to know. I tried one type of depression drug for a week and I felt like my head was being bashed in, so I stopped it. I have a DEEEEP sense of worthlessness and no confidence. Please help.