i have the same issues as you
i have 2 sons and cant even make it to ball games or take them shopping w/ out going balistic
even whe i do get out i have to be w/ either my boy friend or my best friend, no one else is capable of handling my panic attacks. i don't even go out to dinner anymore. i just dont want to be around groups of people at all. So don't get so down on your self.... your not alone. the only way i am able to handle not being there for my children is my ex-hubby will take videos or pics for me. i am able to talk to them and they understand that mommy is just not feeling well and cant be there. I also reasure them that i do love them and am doing my best to get better. it is just going to take some time. Keep your chin up it realy does get better.