First of all, I am not great in english so don't judge it =)..
I'm 14, and I am having emotinal problems which I need to know what it is exactly, I've been having it when I was 10, I have been sad, so sad.
And I don't have self-confidence. I get really hurt easily, like if someone said cruel thing to me, I might just cry...My bonding with my family is not strong, but thats not the real issue here...I feel lonely all the time, lost in the dark, and no light to lead me to the right path, I don't have truthful friends, because the all lie to me, and I have been experincing other people reacts, like if they truthfully meant it or not..And most people say things to me that they don't truthfuly mean it and that hurts, I like to play games, I like to Playstation, you might think that I am guy at this point, but I am not, I'm a girl...Well, anyways, I feel so stressed I feel like my mum nor my dad trust me...When I was 10, I was transferred to a new school, which I guess affected me at my friendship part, because there the class mates were fighting with me kinda all the time, but the next year I transferred to other school, and the school I went to was full of people from outside the country, but they are not really my friends, and I'm not sure if you could even call them that, most of the break times, I sit lonely or with lieing friends or my twin, my twin is a really great part of my life, and I don't have faith in myself, I always think that I am faliure, and I am worthless, and I always think about how great the world would be if I just die, I do think of death, and I do think its the best solution I've got, because there is no others.
I think my parents have the greatest influnce on the feelings I have right now, I think that they dont trust me, and I've sent signs that I'm sad, but they just don't notice and don't care, and I've told my mom that time that I thinking of killing mysef, but she didn't take seriously, and I told her I want to go to a therpiest(sp), she said okay, but that "okay" will never happen, it just hurts me to see people don't notice...
My school transferring has been really hard on me And I can't just get out of the internet, because its my only friend that I've got right now..And I do have some good news, Summer vaction started at 27.5.06 and I passed to grade 10(In my country grade 10 is where high school starts) and I don't sleep well at all! I sleep too little durning the school days..But vacation is here I could stay awake, and I am so happy that the summer is here, because its giving me a break from school, and I really hated grade 6,7,8,9...I wish one day that I would have a truthful friend, but that seem so hard to get these days..
If you're going to suggest me talking with my mom, its not gonna work.
If you're going to suggest me going to the Doctor, thats not gonna work either.
If you're going to suggest me to take medicens, well, umm..
I'm sorry for the long writing, and by the way, I was really not comfortable writing this on public at all, but as long my mom doesn't know, well I guess it worth a try...And I hope its going to help me if just a little...I really want to get my hopes so high and have faith on me...But in deep inside of me I just know it wont happen...
Post Edited (blackxwind) : 6/2/2006 3:27:22 AM (GMT-6)