I can't concentrate at work. I feel like a crumbelling wreck.
I can't even complete some basic tasks. I feel like I am choking and falling apart. I have had minor depression
18 years and have bouts of major depression, this one has been going on since October. I just don't know how I can cope. Every day is such a struggle. I have spent weekends shattered, distressed and in lot of pain.
I wonder if it's because of my career choice but then I wouldn’t know what else to do. And I know that what ever I do I will have this blockage. it's like I have this voice in my head saying I can't do this. It's happened before, seams to be a pattern in every thing I do. I don't even think I am any good at anything. I start off ok but then it goes all wrong and I deteriorate to the point I can't function anymore. I only get so far in something and then hit this wall. I get distracted, then go in to a panic and choke. Every time. What is wrong with me, I can't function like this anymore. I could end up jobless and homeless. I've never been career driven but to feel so miserable all day, every day. I even dread it when I go to sleep at night because I worry about
what I won't be able to do the next day, to confirm the realisation that I am hopeless and a waste of time. I can't get my head round or understand anything, not able to finish anything, or do such a crap job. I have never had much confidence but I always have felt that you should have confidence if you are successfull. Everyone has to feel some purpose in life but I don't feel I have one.