I hope you and your husband have sought couples counseling, and also on the part of each of you, individually (you and your husband). It sounds like you do want to save your marriage; and if you had a boyfriend and you are even still struggling to forget him, some intervention is certainly needed with individual counseling on your part anyway. On both parts, simply because this happened in the first place as well.
In addition, it sounds like you are unhappy in your marriage ... which is why the boyfriend came to pass in the first place. Now the boyfriend is gone, you are back into your marriage/family life, and you are still miserable and stating that your needs in the relationship are not met.
The two of you need to change this ... on both parts .... IMHO.
Best of luck and many prayers for you and the healing of your marriage and family.
~ Prayers & Shares ~
Finally, whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable
- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -
think about such things.