After spending 5 months in hospital with depression my self esteem is at an all time low. My phyciatrist has arranged for me to go to OT and Day Centre. It just is not for me, I tried but do not want to be with people who ask me questions and keep asking how I am. I have not been able to go out in the town I live in as I am frightened of meeting anyone I work with. I have managed to go shopping twice, although had to drive 30 miles to another town far enough away so I seen no-body I know.
CAB got me to apply for DLA while I was in hospital and my own GP got a form to fill in 7 May. I phoned and asked to see GP before she filled it in as she had not seen me since 6 Jan just before I was admitted to hospital. I seen her on 7 May and by 12 June she had still not sent the form back. When I phoned on 12 June receptionist went off and sid "she has just finished it and it will be posted today " I have been checking with DLA every few days and they still do not have it. I phoned doctors and they have no record of it being done, doctor not back to Monday, I asked them to check if the form was still in my file and it is not. Receptionist says cannot do anything til doc come in on Monday and she will check if she has posted it. I am so P*****d off with doctors, they also do not have a copy, which the receprionist says they usually do so I do not thing doctor has done it at all.
I have put on a lot off weight over the last few months and have been feeling physically unwell, breathless and waking during the night with pains in my hands and legs. In the morings I need about 2 hours before I get mobile and this morning it all got to much. I was crying to hubby about it and I said did not want to mention it to docctor as I know what she will say. To which hubby replied "yes well you are to fat" talk about kicking someone when they are down.
Then I had to phone my brother about an issue with my mums money (she is in a home and I look after her money ) I usually run things by my sister but she dies 5 weeks ago and I started to cry while on the phone with brother, I miss her so much.
Why is everything getting on top of me again? I thought I was getting better and now seem to be going down hill again. I now have to go and clean house, although I wonder why I bother as everyone else just leaves things at their backsides for me to life. I feel like just getting in the car and running away. I have money saved and have even thought of going to spain or somewhere warm for a week on my own. How sad am I? I have spent months avoiding my friends as I do not want them asking how I am and now feel so lonely. I am back at the point of being near the edge and I do not want to go over again as I do not want to go back into hospital.
Sorry for the rant but just had to get it off my chest.