(for the ladies)...relationships/loneliness

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 366
   Posted 6/24/2006 6:25 PM (GMT -6)   

I have been feeling a bit depressed the past few days..I think it is nearing that time of the month.  I am currently on Remeron and Klonopin..but just before that time of the month, I just feel sad and lonely..and wishing I could meet a nice man. Normally, I am quite content and don't feel the need to have a man in my life, and living alone usually doesn't bother me. I am 44 years old, and it has been ten years since my last relationship ended, it was a relationship that only lasted a year and I met him on a Personals site.

Now..while PMS'ing..I often wonder, if it is Gods plan that I am to be alone for the rest of my life, and I feel that I will also die alone.  I have pretty much given up on meeting someone in this city and don't try to anymore..just tired of rejection and disappointment.  I don't think Midwestern men are attracted to me and most everyone who lives here is married and have families, which makes me feel even more alone. My only family is my 88 year old Dad who lives in Florida.  My girlfriend who lived here (Ohio) just moved down to Florida and she has only been down there three months and has already met someone who she has fallen in love with.  She met him on on a dating web site.  I spoke to her today..and she told me of all the wonderful things they do together..dancing, eating out, walks on the beach at sunset..just makes me really lonely...and I often wonder why I can't have that. Today, she left a long message on my answering machine about all the wonderful things her and her new boyfriend were doing, and I couldn't stand to listen anymore, and erased the message before I was done listening to it. My weekends are usually spend alone and running errands, doing volunteer work. My other friend who moved to Wisconsin also met a nice man, and they are getting married next month..I wonder..why these good things don't happen to me, and they happen to most everyone else.  Sometimes I just feel discouraged..then I feel guilty of feeling like this, and especially for not listening to her entire message..I should be happy for people, instead I just feel lonely and envious that most everyone has it good but me.  I think it is just that time of month..I hate PMS and the green eyed monster that accompanies it.  Thanks for listening. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself I guess, and now I feel bad about that..lol.  I just needed to get that off my chest. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/25/2006 6:58 AM (GMT -6)   
I went through the very same thing. I never imagined I would find someone and basically gave up.
Spent weekends alone,sometimes searching through the pictures on the dating sites,reading through the profiles and thinking "yeah right".
My brother told me something during that time that at that time did not make alot of sense to me,but now looking back it does.
He said that when a guy approached me I gave off a "don't even think about it" vibe to them.
I think that I had myself convinced that I was going to be lonely for the rest of my life,and therefore did not want to give anyone a chance to hurt me.
I met my b/f 2 years ago out of the blue. Was not even thinking about meeting anyone,did not care if I did to tell you the truth.
So,do not give up these things happen when you least expect it. You could be running errands and then blam you meet someone.
I know it is hard when all of your friends have someone.... Just do not give up. You are worth it.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 366
   Posted 6/25/2006 6:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi ShynSassy,

I am glad you wrote, I always enjoy your posts and feel better when I read them. I may be giving out the same vibe that you said. For example, A nice looking man from India (who may have just moved to the United States?) was in the grocery store..and he came up to me and asked me several questions, such as where to find Olive oil and if the Tortillas he had picked out needed to have oil put on them before he cooked them. I was very polite and helpful and showed him where things were..and I thought he was pretty nice looking man..but had no clue that perhaps he might have been flirting with me..the store was crowded that day (last Sunday) and he could have asked anyone for help in the isle..but yet he asked me. I just thought he really needed help and that perhaps he was new to the States and did not know how to shop in new surroundings/different food choices. I know if I was in another country, I would be asking people for help as well, like he did. I was too nervous to even ask his name or even give him my phone number..thinking if he was interested..he would ask me. Then I thought he was just wanting to know how to cook the Tortillas and where the Olive oil was, so I was hesitant in making a fool out of myself, and had a fear of rejection, in and didn't want to be uncomfortable in case I ever saw him in there again.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 6/25/2006 8:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Rianna!
I understand somewhat how you're feeling. I hate to run into people that I knew in High school...oh yeah, I'm single still...no, don't have any kids...where do I work? I don't...you see, I have anxiety disorder and...uh...and so it goes! I've often wondered if it's "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all". I'm in my early 40's and never had a date, much less anything beyond that! I have no kids to think of me when I get old either. I guess I'm pretty much a loser for the most part, but I guess I've accepted it as much as I can anyhow. It IS lonely and sad, but if you have don't have relationship phobias like I do, I say to not give up!
I was okay until that flock of bird dogs flew over...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 6/26/2006 6:19 AM (GMT -6)   
janetlee wrote:
"guess I'm pretty much a loser for the most part"

janetlee, your not a loser, your condition is actualy pretty common all over the world.
for example, in saudi arabia statisttics show there is 1.5 million girls above 18 years old not married. and marrage in saudi arabia is from 18 to 24, after 24 the girl is treated like a bachlor.
                                                     To be or not to Be

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 6/26/2006 11:41 AM (GMT -6)   
I am 43 and divorced. I have been alone for the past 12 1/2 years and for the most part I like it that way. I support myself and do not rely on anyone. I think it's sad that society pressures you into feeling like a loser for living alone. It takes a strong woman to make it on her own. I hope the pms passes soon.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/27/2006 8:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi guys, In August I will have been divorced for 2 years.  I am 32 going to be 33 in September and I dont worry so much about being alone the rest of my life...but I wonder if I will.  IMO - I dont feel like society places any pressures on me for being alone or to find someone.  I have alot of issues both mentally and physically that it would take a patient and strong man to be able to deal with those.  I have to just believe or hope that perhaps someone is out there that is kind and everything I would require in a man.  In the mean time I dont dwell on it, as it is kind of depressing to see all the couples who seem happy, I just am enjoying my time alone and trying to find myself and what makes me happy.


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