I have been guilty of doing the same your BF did in the past with my wife ,alot of the time not knowing I was really wanted to be there as sometimes I got the feeling I wasnt wanted when I really was ,I have learned over the years when I am "required " to be there and when I can not be there but something I did awhile ago was went out and bought my wife a special teddy bear and told her when I am not there when you really need me take the teddy and hold it tight because althioughI may not be there pysically I am theer in thought ..I know it sounds silly but my wife has done that in the past and has told me when I am there how that little bear has helped her thru alot when nobody else could.
One other thing perhaps your meds are not helping you the best they can ..we just went thru a real bad spell and come to find out her meds leveled off and she had to get them upped .
thinking of you and you should never give up ....thats whet those demons wnt...stay strong shy
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.