your opinion please, is it just me?

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Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 6/29/2006 12:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Let me start with a little background.  My mother and I have never gotten along all that well.  They live 3 1/2 hours away from me.  I have crohn's and am having a colonoscopy on July 5th.  I do not really have anyone else to take me and she said she would come up and do it.  A couple of months ago I had borrowed their pressure washer for a couple of weeks to wash my mobile home.  I did not wash my front porch and now my land lord is demanding I do several outdoor home repairs, porch included, by July 9th or I get a 30 day notice of eviction.  Since she is already coming up I asked if she could bring the pressure washer back so I could do the porch.  Her response was an angry "Well it's too bad you couldn't have done that when you already had it".  I told her I didn't think I would get evicted over it and she reluctantly and angrily said she would bring it.  I don't ask that much of my parents and get attitude every time I do, I do not ask for huge things.  Well now I don't want her to come here and take me and I don't want to borrow the pressure washer either.  I'm thinking I'm going to call her and tell her to forget it, I don't need her help.  If one other person I know can't take me for the scope I guess I can take take a cab, even though that would be kind of pricey.  Does it sound like I'm over reacting?  It's just that I'm so tired of the way she treats me, I'm afraid to ask for even small favors and I don't feel like seeing her or having her help me if it puts her out so much.  Thanks for any replies.

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Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 6/29/2006 1:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi bluemeanies, i can relate quite well i think, my mom and i dont fight much, but we dont get along to well either. My sister lives with her, and she takes wonderful care of them, doesnt mind giving them what they need, my sister works three days a week, drives a nice car, her kids have brand new trucks, and i worked hard to get me through school, find a job, find a home (the ex made me loose my house) take care of three kids, and somehow im the bad guy, i dont get it, but you are not alone, i dont understand what makes them do the things they do......but you are never alone, its different circumstances, but same feelings i would think pretty much, being treated oddly, not good enough to help, and we arent so bad ;) someone some day will think that about me, i have to keep that in my head....take care and good luck, let us know how its going
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy

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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/30/2006 7:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bluemeanies
I can totally relate to this. My mom and I have never had a relationship. I was always a burden to her and she told me that several times growing up. I finally ran away for the last time at the age of 16 and never went back.
I try hard with her as to me she is my mom and I do not want anything to happen to her and then I would be filled with regrets if I did not try.
She never had a relationship with my kids,still doesn't. She says mean things to me when I talk to her. Ect ect.
I just have learned to bite my tongue,talk to her with respect and remember that she is miserable in her life and is and always has taken it out on me.
I keep hoping that someday she will see the light and realize what she has put me through.
I do not know what kind of relationship you have had with your parents,was it once good? Could you sit down and write a letter to them? Tell them how much you appreciate everything that they have done for you,and then explain to them that you need them. And say that you love them.
If I had decent parents that I used to have a good relationship with,that is what I would do I think.
I am not talking from experience on that matter so my opinion might not be worth anything.
Good Luck!
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/30/2006 8:39 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Blue,  I am sorry you are going through this.  When I separated from my husband (now ex) two years ago I moved in with my mom, who I havent live with since I was 18.  I have MS and was recently diagnosed with an autonomic disorder so it has made moving hard...and my mom doesnt want me to move, so I have stayed.  We have always had a really good relationship and I cant imagine not getting along with her as she is all I have. 

In my opinion, Shy has come up with an excellent idea of writing her a letter or e-mail if she has it and telling her of how you feel.  This way you dont have to do it over the phone or face to face and you can be sure to get all your feelings out on clearly.  Maybe your mother doesnt realize she is coming off to you in this manner?  I dont know, but you should most certainly address it with her instead of backing off.



Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 7/3/2006 7:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Update- I have spent the last 4 days doing lots. I painted half of my shed (I ran out of paint and money), cut the grass, scrubbed the porch twice and bought lattice for the porch. I decided against pressure washing because the wood is pretty old so I bought some deck wash and it worked pretty good but required lots of scrubbing. And it meant not borrowing mom's washer. I also decided to let mom come up and take me since I spent my extra money this week on yard stuff and I don't have taxi money or anyone else to take me. I talked to mom yesterday and she was in a much better mood about taking me. Now I just need to finish painting the shed and cut and hang the lattice.
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