Posted 7/9/2006 5:24 PM (GMT -6)
Hi, Irish!
I don't have kids either, BUT...!!!! LOL!!! I am going to give advice anyway, because I do know something about kids, having been raised with a younger sister, a young cousin for several years, and 3 nieces around all the time. My sister used to get in my mom's face, with an "I-dare-you-to-hit-me" look in her eye...her jaw would jut out. My mom WOULD hit my sister. Frankly, my sister deserved a good swat!!! No child has the right to disrespect their parents that way. Now I'm not saying YOU should hit YOUR kids-some folks are totally anti-spanking. But really, spanking isn't necessarily the best way to deal with these sort of situations anyhow. Kids NEED discipline, but it must be consistent to be effective. That also means that you and your husband have to work together, as this is a "group project"! Always let your "yes" mean "yes" and your "no' mean "no"---for example, your child asks if he/she can go to the movies. You tell them that they can IF they do their chores first. If they do their chores, then let your yes mean yes-they can go. But if they don't do their chores, you have to stand your ground and not let them go to the movies, no matter how much they whine, cry, scream, etc. That is letting your no mean no! You and your husband have to cooperate and not let the kids play one of you against the other. If one parent has said "no", then the other must back up the other. This is part of being consistent. If you threaten them with restrictions or other consequences for disobedience, but then don't follow thru, they will never take you seriously. If you only carry out your "threats" half the time, you are sending mixed messages and it's confusing to the child. Every child has things that they would hate to have restricted, whether it's tv, phone, video games, etc. If part of the discipline is being sent to their room, don't let it become a "reward" by them having access to the things they like to do anyway! If a kid threatens "I'll call 911 and tell them that you're abusing me!", then you must call their bluff and say something like, "Go ahead. But you need to be aware that if they come and get you, you will likely be placed in a foster home and there's no telling what types of people will be over you then." If you let the kids control YOU, thru tears, whining, threats, or anything else, you are actually abdicating your parenting to them. Always treat children with respect and inderstand that part of being respectful to the children is teaching them to be respectful to you and others. You have to set the example. I know that parenting is a difficult job and there's no such thing as a perfect parent. All anyone can do is to do their best. And remember that sometimes, love has to be "tough". Just be sure that they know that you love them, even when you have to discipline them.
I hope this helps and all goes well for you. Keep us posted! :)
"If you watch the stars at night,
And you find them shining equally bright,
You might've seen Jesus
And not have known what you saw...
But you would notice a gem
In a five & dime store."
From-"Mary Was An Only Child" by Art Garfunkel

Posted 7/10/2006 12:08 AM (GMT -6)
Hi Irish,
I know the desperation that you talk of that you just cant go on any longer that you feel no one would miss you.....take it from me they would...I felt the exact same way about a year and a half ago felt very alone and that no one really cared...depression has a way of making you perceive things a lot different from how they are. I dont have children either I am only 22 but have been through a lot. Something that helped me a lot other than the drugs was meditation and exercise and reading wayne dyer and don migeul ruiz, they speak exactly to what you are going through and how to get back to your sacred self....I know some ppl think it is hokey but if you really try it , it will work and you have nothing to lose I know it is hard right now to be positive (oh god do I know) but you have to try as hard as you can....and now that everything happens for a reason, and this seriously will make you stronger, God always has a plan and will never leave you when you need him the most. Be strong girl :-)
Posted 7/11/2006 4:38 PM (GMT -6)
Hi everyone,

Today was a good day... mine and my hubbys' 14th anniversary! We were both home with the kids today and spent time outside gardening and enjoying the warm sun. I am back to work tomorrow morning. My best friend and I chatted last night and I told her how things were going (she's a nurse). She strongly reccomended my seeing a psychiatrist as well. I've got another appointment to see my family Dr on the 25th. I don't know whether he will increase my Paxil or try an add-on drug as he referred to it. I want to stay away from the addictive meds at all cost. My daughter and I have been getting along a bit better the past couple of days.
There is still very little to no respect there but I'm trying very hard to make things work between us. If she'd only meet me half way. being 12 was hard when I was at that age... hormones raging and mood swings galore but I grew up in a different time. I listened to my elders.
lexi: I've always believed that everything happens for a reason.. that belief has gotten me through alot of bad times. Thank you for reminding me of that....:)
I know I feel like I've lost a huge part of myself.. who I really am... in being a Mother, a wife and just living in general for everyone else first. We all do that I know. You know, I understand why you see many retired men and women driving beautiful sports cars and living the high life. It's not that they're trying to impress everyone else. Their kids are all grown up and out of the house and many of the stresses they've carried on their shoulders for years aren't there any more... they're finally free to find themselves again!!
Thanks for letting me vent once again.. hope you all had a great day.
Posted 7/12/2006 12:11 PM (GMT -6)
I am not recommending anything but just want to make the comment that we are not required to love our parents. I know it is expected but I truly believe that parents must earn respect from thier kids just like everyone else. There was quite a long time in my life when I know that I had no respect for my mother. It was truly unimportant what she thought and that took the power away from her and gave it to me. Wa have a much better relationship now but at times I am still wary about how close I let her get. These are choices that we all make. Someone once told me something brilliant that I have tried to keep in mind ever since.

If the situation is killing you, get the hell out!

It works for me. That is not to say that I haven't worked on difficult relationships, because I have, but there can come a time where we truly are better off without the stressor (whatever it is).

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