I know it is hard for you, but you need to go to a psychiatrist. You said in a post that's now been deleted that you wouldn't be able to talk to a shrink cuz all you would do is cry and that you are shy. Believe me, they've seen and heard it ALL! If you need to cry, they'll let you cry it out until you can talk...I should know. As to being too shy, it's kinda like us gals having to go to a ob/gyn. We aren't exactly thrilled to be seen in such an exposed way, but it's necessary. I know a lady that had a baby and she said that it was so painful to her that she kept kicking the sheets off, even though she was naked down there. She was hurting too bad to care! I figure it's a lot like that with emotional and mental pain. If you hurt bad enough, you'll go despite your shyness. I'm not saying it's a breeze, but if you could just go one time, you'd see that it's not anything like you see on TV. They don't rush you to a couch and grab a pencil and notepad and ask you to start telling them about your mother...!!! ;) They are generally empathetic and do want to help you, just like a medical doctor wants to help when you break an arm or have an earache. We can only do so much for you, although we wish we could do more. You are stronger than you think and if you will get help, you'll always be glad that you did. You are too young to waste your life. I wish I'd gotten help when I was younger...my life would likely be much more productive and happier.
No matter what you decide to do, keep coming here and posting. It's good to ventjanet
"If you watch the stars at night,
And you find them shining equally bright,
You might've seen Jesus
And not have known what you saw...
But you would notice a gem
In a five & dime store."
From-"Mary Was An Only Child" by Art Garfunkel