I'm not sure what to do...

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/23/2006 5:14 PM (GMT -6)   
For about the past few weeks I keep thinking that I wake up in the middle of the night and hurt my family, then turn the gas on and go back to bed. Things have been wierd. I think I've had conversations with people or do things and then later realize that I haven't, or I do things and don't remeber. I told my psychiatrist, but he didn't seem worried. Other than that I told him I was ok, but I'm really not. I've been really depressed and not leaving my house except to go to my appointments, and those are really the only times I take a bath or change my cloths. Sometimes every couple of days my mom will reminde me to do thoses things though.  I've had voices, but anymore I wonder if it's just in my head or like a machine in my head that makes me think that. But lately I just go through the day not knowing how long it is. I do sleep alot, but I don't know what else to do. I just kinda have a wierd feeling about going outside, it makes me feel like I'm dreaming or dead, I know it's supposed to be the oppisite though. I just watch movies and music videos or listen to music and pretend that I'm them, or all day I'll live another life in my head, but I don't relize it's been all day. But then I wonder if that was reality and what I'm doing now is a dream. My doctor told me that I've been on about every medicine and that he'll leave them for now. But I didn't tell him about all the things that have been going on, because he said that he thinks most of my problems are dression and are less psycotic and I thought if I told him what was going on he would think I was making it up, or double my meds. Plus I might be getting that Vegus Nerve Stimulation surgery, and they won't except you if you have alot of voices or thought so I didn't want them to think I was just saying that because I wanted out of it, because I sorta don't want to get it now. I think I did freak my therapist out though. I usually tell him alot more than my doc. because I trust him alot more. But I told him about my angery thoughts and how I sort of think sometimes about hurting people to see what it feels like. Or all the differant things I look at on the internet about that and ways I read about creative ways to hurt myself. I feel bad about saying that because he started acting wierd towards the end of the session. Also, another reason I told my doc. that things were ok, it looked like he had the phone off of the reciever and he had TWO of those recording things, but I'm not sure if he recordes them, but I'm afraid to ask. I'm sorry about the really long rant, I just needed to get it off my chest. sad

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 7/24/2006 9:17 AM (GMT -6)   

I think it would be wise to talk to your parents about how you are feeling and make another appt to go back and see the psychiatrist. Talk to him about your medication and possibly look inot other medications. I think its good you are admitting now that you don't feel right and it would be good to be honest with people around you so they can help you get through this.

Take care
cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 7/24/2006 10:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there clever,

What your parents don't know COULD hurt them. You need to tell them, they could be in danger. You don't know if your dreaming things or living them. They can tell you what you're doing and what your not. Journalling may help you distinguish truth from reality. Like Atedogs said 'if you don't tell the pdoc the true things that are happening he can't treat you properly.' The symptoms you don't tell him aren't being treated and they cannot change.

Keep in touch.
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