Hi everyone...I have been watching these boards for around a week now and it seems like a good place to go to talk. I really dont know where to begin... I have had panic attacks since March due to stress at school (I'm going to be a senior in college), with roommates, and with anything else stressful that would pop up. I recently started an internship where I became more anxious and makes me feel like I'm losing my identity in a way. Since I started I have gotten depressed and its effecting everyone around me. Most importantly to me, I feel my relationship with my current boyfriend of almost two years is suffering bc of my current condition. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and have been put on Paxil 12.5 mg around 2-3 weeks ago. Since the medicine I do feel a little better, but every now and then I will go into a crying fit. I always end up scaring the people around me and I feel like they can no longer handle me, which I don't blame them. I do not want to lose my boyfriend or my best friends due to this illness. Another contributing factor to this situation is that I was raped around two years ago by my boyfriend at the time (different then the one now). Unfortunatly, I didn't realize that it was rape up until this May when I relived the night in my head, because I desperatly tried to block it out of my memory. It sounds strange that you would not realize it, but its the truth. The only people who know are my best friends and my current boyfriend. I do not want to tell my parents.
Sometimes I just feel so alone with everything and I don't know where to turn to. Im going to a psychologist and soon a psychiatrist and its helping so far. I just want to feel like me again. I feel like everything is falling in a downward spiral and doesnt want to stop.
I feel like nobody around me really understands what I am going through, so I thought this would be a good place to vent. Hopefully I am not alone in this feeling.
Thanks For Listening.