Help Telling someone I'm depressed!!!!

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/26/2006 12:01 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi! I've never posted anything on a message board before so please be gentle with me.  


I need help telling my boyfriend that I have depression and anxiety. I don't know what to say because I'm really scared of his reaction. I truly care about this person, but feel if I don't tell him then I'll eventually lose him. He knows that I have major anxiety, but not about the depression. Lately my symptoms have been really acting up - can't constraint at work, paranoid about losing him and what he thinks about me since I've been getting mad and upset at him for minor little reasons, what people think about me, if people are having a good time while hanging with me, my self-esteem is very low, crying all the time, trusting people, super tired all the time, and too defensive. I know he really cares about me, but I feel my symptoms might push him away if I don’t tell him. I'm scared he's going to judge me and afraid that he won’t want to be with me because of my disorders.  I’m just looking for some advice. Please help!!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/26/2006 12:47 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi cloudydays, First let me welcome you to healing well forum, we are very happy to have you join our community here.  Everyone here is very supportive of each other and always willing to share insight and information.

I don’t know you or your boyfriend obviously but I am going to say that if he is aware that you have an anxiety problem than he is most likely aware that you have depression.  I say this as the two disorders most times go hand-in-hand with each other.  If you have such strong feelings for this person and do plan on having a long-term relationship with him then you need to find the courage to sit him down and discuss this with him.  Hopefully he will be receptive to what you are going through and deal with on a daily basis and will be able to help you through it and be a support system for you.

The one thing you did not mention in your post, is if your getting treatment for you anxiety?  If your not this is very important and could greatly improve your quality of life on a daily basis.  Also, a physician hopefully a psychiatrist would be able to assess you for depression and prescribe medication to help with this.  You don’t have to suffer to such extremes with these disorders.  I also have depression, anxiety and panic disorder so I do understand.  We are always here, so please do feel free to continue to post...I am sure that some of our other members will be along shortly to post replies also.  Take care


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 7/26/2006 1:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Cloudydays,

Elisha's spot on with the advice. I'm going to say my usual thing: if it's too hard to say the thing out loud, write a letter to your boyfriend (also good for making sure that you say what you want to say, and can add reassurances of how much your bf means to you).

I'm also fairly new here, and can 100% vouch for the posters here: they've been nothing but lovely and supportive (this board and the Anxiety-Panic and Bipolar boards), and I honestly don't think I'd have got through the last week quite so "in tact" without them. Lots of gentle, lots of really sound advice, and (quite unespectedly) lots of laughs!

All best to you Cloudydays, and welcome.


New Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/26/2006 1:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you both very much. To answer your question Els - I am currently taking Wellbutrin XL, but have only been on it for a week and half now. I hope this medicine helps as the previous did at first, but then my symptoms slowly started to come back and as you can tell are back in full force. Before taking my current medicine I was on Cymbalta and then Lexapro before that.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 7/26/2006 1:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Cloudydays,

Welcome to the healing well forum, I hope this site provides you with the help and support you need.

Telling my boyfriend about my anxiety/depression was very hard but I knew I had to tell him and hen I did I think he was relieved because he finally knew why I'd been behaving like I had. I went throigh a phase of being very snappy and irritable and when I told him what i was going through, he understood why I had been like that. Now he is very supportive and always there if I need to talk.
The thought of telling him was worse than actually doing it and hopefully your boyfriend will be as understanding.
If he finds it hard to understand anxiety and depression, get him to read up about it so he knows how he can support you. The worst thing my boyfriend feels is not being able to do the right thing to help and me and not being able to take it all away. He has looked anxiety up and read about it so he understands more about what I am going through.

Its better to be able to go through this with somebody than go through it alone. Of course you always have people here at healing well to give you advice and listen to you.
Take care and also if you havent already, see your doctor to get some help with your anxiety and depression. Since taking an antidepressant, I have felt more able to cope with things.
Keep in touch,

cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 188
   Posted 7/26/2006 1:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello and welcome to HW. Yes, do get up the nerve to tell him about your illness. It will be alot easier than you think it will be. If he loves you unconditionally it will not bother him and he WILL support your down times as well as your good times. I am blessed with a very suportive hubby and I thank God everyday for him. You will see just how easy it goes, afterwards you will be so glad that you told him right away. Keeps him from wondering just why you are so anxious and paranoid due to the depression. Like they say "JUST DO IT"!!!! LOL Take care, girlie! May God bless!!!!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 42
   Posted 7/26/2006 2:31 PM (GMT -6)   

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 7/26/2006 2:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Cloudy,
I can feel the anxiety building up from here. How to tell him... where to tell him... how to say it... etc. If you can't tell him outright, try telling him how your feeling at the moment. This might be much easier than an outright confession and will relieve some tension while you build up courage. It's probably all he needs.

Good luck, keep us posted.

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/26/2006 6:01 PM (GMT -6)   

I felt the same way about telling my partner that I was depressed and going on meds. I thought he would think less of me and wouldn't want any part of being with someone who is depressed. Especially since he is the opposite - outgoing, lots of friends, happy with his life, loves his job, has hobbies and goals. I'm the total opposite, low self esteem, quiet, have lost interest in things I used to enjoy, no motivation, am bored in my job, don't see the purpose in life. I obsessed about how I was going to tell him that I was taking meds, but luckily the time was right one evening. He really can't understand what depression is really like, no one can unless they have personally lived it. He seemed to be supportive but the only advice he could offer was that I should get back into exercising and running, that going for a run will be enough to lift me out of it.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 7/27/2006 2:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Atedogs - how lucky you are that your hubby researched.  Mine seems to think that its "mind over matter".  That I have the power to wake up tomorrow and say "I am going to be in a good mood today" HA - I wish.  I think you are an awesome mom for recognizing your daughters illness and for helping her friends to understand it.  Hope all goes well for her - what a tough age!!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2004
Total Posts : 41
   Posted 7/27/2006 4:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Well for a first-time post you did an excellent job.
Hon, in reading your words i genuinely believe it would be good for you to learn more about depression.
Like, depression will sometimes manifest as anger or irritation; did you know that? Ever get in a bad mood and you don't know why (i hate when that happens); that's Depression.
I read about one study, where they had different groups of people sitting at different tables, and i forget what they asked the people to do. But the point is: it's been physicaly proven that Depression disrupts your ability to concentrate or to think clearly. There's a lot of aspects to Depression that most people don't know about.

Depression has cost me friends, and also potential friendships. That's not to scare you it's simply the truth; and if we know the truth then we're prepared, some things will still hurt but it won't hurt as bad.
How you tell someone depends on their personality; you find something they like and find a way to....connect it to what they like, kind of like a story. Or you can simply be straight forward and logical if that's how their mind works: I have an affliction, this is what it is, this is what it looks like.
I had a really nice doctor, and sometimes i knew he was going to ask me how i am and i was too depressed to describe it. So i'd bring a poem i'd already written about being depressed. And when he asked me, i just handed him the paper.
It's not about whether he liked poetry or not (i don't know), but i know that in some of my work i have described what it's like when i'm depressed, and anyone who reads it can understand it.
(A long time later i found out he kept all my poetry; and one day he was asked to speak at this big medical conference, he took some of my work with him and he read it there -i thought that was way cool)

Another time, i knew a girl and she wasn't an artist but i guess sometimes she just felt like drawing. She showed me this really simple drawing, just regular pencil on paper; and the sketch showed a young woman with long hair sitting on the ground with her knees bent, her arms folded on top of her knees and her head resting on her arms. She was sitting on the flat surface of a tall, skinny spire of rock -and there was nothing else around her, no other rock or cliffs, nothing else in the picture. It was awesome -i looked at that and thought: that's exactly what it feels like when i'm depressed.

Don't think it's a test that you're going to pass or fail, 'cause it's not. There's going to be people who will stick by you, and there's going to be people who won't. That's just reality.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 7/27/2006 4:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Poet, that's truly wonderful advice -- very sound, very real.

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