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pain in maine
Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 7/30/2006 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been having a hard time. Thursday we got a call from my ex b/f. My daughter's sperm donor so called father. He had left when I was 7 months pregnant. We had not seen or heard from him in over 3 years. Then he calls and asks "what the hell is going on." My Mom was the one who answered. She said she had no Idea. He said the state of Maine called him. He is living in Kansas. They want a DNA test and him put on the birth certificate. I told them he had a temper and it could be harmful for him to know anything. They told him my daughters name. He didn't even know if it was a boy or girl, name, birthday, if we both made it or if she was OK. Now with the help of them he knows how to get a hold of me, her name and how to spell it, around when she was born. I got one protective order that his other ex got on him for abuse to her and there child. I will be picking up another this week from another place. The state told me if I could get that and bring it in they would stop the process for DNA or anything more. I took the papers there they told me there was no such person there with that name (that I had talked to and even called back to get the spelling or her last name before we left) . They when on to tell me it would be my tanif worker who was doing this and deciding about it (this after I talked to 3 people in the child support collection department). So I had been on the phone Thursday, Friday all day. I went to bed Saturday morn 3am and got up 5:50am to start all over again doing what I could on a Saturday. I had a very bad anxiety attack. It put me in bed all of Saturday and most of Sunday. Then I get to start my day Monday with calling the state, a person I know who might be able to help me, and a person I don't even know in hopes to find an end to all this ASAP. Need I say I have had real bad headaches, belly sick, anxiety, panic, and it kicked up my PTSD. All because after over 3 year's the state thinks getting him involved in any way would be best for my daughter. I have know her sense before she was born who do they think they are telling me want they feel is best. I will update as things change.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 7/30/2006 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   
hi pain in maine the way you live in the usa 's best kept secret ,.....sorry to hear about your turmoil ,I hope you can get a stop to all that is aggravating you and life returns to normality of luck...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

pain in maine
Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 7/31/2006 8:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I found out today he will be put on the birth certificate no matter what they tell me his past dose not matter because it was not involveing my daughter or me. what i want to know is what if i dont do a paternity test on my daughter and I then they can not put him on because no proff. Thank you all for your kind word's, help, and prayers. If anyone want's to talk one one one my email is

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 7/31/2006 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I know if you apply for goverment financial aid they want the fathers name so they can make him pay child support. I hope this works out for you.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 8/1/2006 6:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Perhaps a protection from abuse order in Kansas might help too? That way your address must be hidden on court documents.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/4/2006 12:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Dealing with government agencies can be frustrating at best. If you can see this through though it will give you some legal rights to stand on. If you have asked for state assistance of any kind they do want the father to be acknowledged because then they can go after him for child support. Through the courts they can garnish his wages so that payments automatically come to you. MMMNAVY's advice is sound the protective order will keep your address hidden. You may need to move now that he has your current address but after that you will have some protections. As long as the courts/government agencies are involved and you can't stop that you might as well go ahead and use them to whatever protections they can offer. In the meantime, try to do some things that are good for you, whatever relaxes you do it, take a walk, take a hot bath, read a good book and just try to keep breathing. You'll make it through this. Nice that you have your mom for support.
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