Welcome to HW!
I've done exactly the same thing as you with the organising and not crying in a time of grief. In fact I was talking to my therapist about
just this the other day. It's a way of coping, but often it does you more harm than good, and I know very well that the fallout can be almost unbearable -- and the guilt because I felt like it was wrong of me not to have "felt" more... .
From what you've written here, I'm 100% sure that you should see your doc -- and don't worry about
bothering him/her unnecessarily: for the record, that's not what I think you'd ve doing, and anyway that's what they're there for -- to be told symptoms/feelings and to check you over and decide what needs to be done as and when appropriate. I think you know you need help too -- because you found us here and asked the question. I'm glad you did.
In the past I've also listened to well-meaning friends say "you're fine, you don't need help". None of them had ever suffered from depression, which to them was just being a bit down. For all they were trying to help, they set me back. I don't blame them and I'm *glad* they've never suffered depression (cos it SUCKS!!!), but, for all their well-meaning, I wish I hadn't listened.
You know your tendencies from the past and this is wonderful self-knowledge to help you recover now, but you may well need help with it (meds and therapy): as I say, please see your doc -- and see if you can rearrange that psych appointment (and don't worry, they'll have encountered this before -- goes with the territory!).
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.