Hi, this will be my first post here. I decided to post here because I'm running out of options and hope, and I guess I'm looking for some opinions and ideas about what to do. I've been depressed for a full 10 years. I'm only 20 now, so that's effectively half of my life. My level of depression has fluctuated minimally over the years, 90% of the time it has been considered major depressive disorder, and at best and only for a short while -- dysthymia.
I've been through dropping out of high school, being sent to boarding school, and being involuntarily admitted as an in-patient to a hosptial. I've been through various forms of therapy over the years, with between 5 and 10 different therapists/psychiatrists. I've tried all classes of anti-depressant, various anti-convulsants, anti-psychotics, amphetamines, and electoconvulsive therapy, all with absolutely no success. I would have killed myself years ago if I didn't feel so guilty about it in relation to my family and how they would react.
It was different 7 years ago, before I really started going through my treatment options. Even though I was never truly optimistic that medication/therapy might actually help (as few depressed people actually are) there was still always the thought in the back of my head that there was a chance that I might find something that would alleviate the feelings of depression. But at this point it really doesn't seem like there is anything that can help. So, I don't know what to do. My current psychiatrist said the other day that she has never seen a patient like me, so impervious to the effects of medication.
I'm about as depressed as I've ever been right now and I really don't know what to do. I'm in college and have good academic standing, but I don't think I have the energy/motivation to continue with my classes. What options are left for me? Making it through the past 10 years has been unbearable, and I certainly can't do this for another 60. This really feels like it's my final run, that within the next year suicide might be my only option. So I'm kind of grasping here, trying to get other people's view points, maybe find out something that I don't know already, find a new treatment or anything really. So...yeah, I guess any input at all would be appreciated.