Els, you were so right! I've had my second session with my therapist and she asked me what I wanted to get out of our sessions together. I explained to her that I had always had a problem with low self-esteem, that I had been having flashbacks lately, that I wanted to find a better way to deal with stress dealing with my family (among other things), and that I really wanted to be able to find my voice again. That deep down inside I know that there is this amazing woman who is highly capable and confident, but when she's disempowered she completely shuts down and can't even form coherent thoughts. And what she said is exactly what you told me a while back - that you hoped that therapy would give me some skills and tools to handle situations that I'm thrown into when I don't feel comfortable or confident. 'Cause we can't all walk around in a world that completely adores us all the time! :) That for better or worse we sometimes can't get out of situations that are not in our best interests to be in in the first place.
The more that I've been thinking of things lately, it seems like all of this past abuse stuff started coming up again when doofus (the most recent ex-boyfriend that you've heard much too much about) completely disrespected me and ignored my request of no contact. To me, it seems like a complete disregard and lack of respect. In some way, my brain is processing the actions and have associated them with past wrongs and have lumped them into the pile of other actions taken against me that I have also spoken out against.
Why can't some people understand that NO means NO?