I briefly referred to my situation in my first post, but my wife also suffers from depression. I know what you are going through.
In my case I guess I have been somewhat "lucky" as my wife is very open about her depression. She will come out and say, "I am just so depressed" when she is having extra bad times.
Personally I am very disorganized, except when it comes to meds, both hers and mine.
I leave out her meds every morning (M-F) and personally hand them to her on the weekends. She has always been good about taking her meds, and letting me know if they seem to be working or not.
Currently we had a very rough patch because they made a change to her meds, so she had to wean off of one and then slowly work in the new one. We are only a week into the new meds. She literally goes berserk during this change time (this is the 2nd or 3rd major change) banging walls, yelling, screaming... Again though I am fairly lucky, as she is completely aware of the situation, knows the cause and just prays that the new meds will kick in soon.
In other words I know where you are at. You must stay supportive. Give lots of hugs. Try to stay calm and try and be a calming influence. (Not easy I know) You must let her know that you are there for her no matter what, and it is OK to feel the way she is feeling.
You *must* make sure she takes her meds, every single day. Watch her swallow them if you must. I get the "sure just drug me up, so I will shut up and not bother you" Tough.
She threatens the "S" word lots of times. You must take them seriously, and keep a close eye on her. My wife has told me not to worry because she could/would never do it as she is too scared, lazy... to do it, but I still watch her closely.
As far as Drs. go, she just switched. This is the 3rd or 4th psychiatrist, but I always encourage the change.
This all has really made my life h**l, and I was not really equipped to handle this, but somehow I do, and you can too.
Sorry I seem to have hijacked your thread, but I just wanted to share the experience of a husband dealing with a depressed wife.
Please keep us posted, and ask or PM me, us anything at all.