I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even pretend to know how you must be feeling, but I have had a lot of losses in my life over the past several years, and I was subsequently diagnosed with major depression after the most recent family member passed away about a year and a half ago. It took trying 3 different antidepressants, and several months to help get my depression somewhat under control. If the antidepressant you were on worsened your depression, it was definitely not the right one for you, but stopping abruptly is not a good idea at all, especially if you have not consulted with a doctor about it. I'm sure that you needed your medication to be changed, but discontiuing an antidepressant suddenly can be very dangerous to your mental state, and very uncomfortable physically. Since you are having so many side effects and feelings of self harm, I really think you need to get to a doctor right away... my doctor and therapist told me I should get to the emergency room immediately if I ever started feeling that way! I absolutely feel that you need to find a medication better suited to you, and there are many of them so I'm sure you will find the right one eventually. I know a lot of people think they can get through depression without medication, but I know that I could not have. I also think it is way too soon after your loss to just stop medication, but that is only my opinion and I'm not a doctor. I will be praying for you and your family, and hoping you will seek professional help right away. I know that when we are depressed it is very hard to understand this, but you are a valuable person, not only to your children and your family, but to everyone you meet, and everyone whose life you touch. Please remember that and take care of yourself. Please let us know how you are doing. (((BIG HUGS))),
It's a jungle out there.....
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman