Please look in our depression resources, there are some good sites which help with suicidal feelings. If you feel this way again you must talk to someone. I know you have stoped the lexapro but it sounds like you need to be on an antidepressant so speak to your doctor about
changing you to a different one. Have you considered any counselling to help with your grief? I think this would benefit you. Your doctor could arrange this for you.
Lexapro is a good drug and does help other people very well. Everyone responds differently to different drugs. I take lexapro myself and have never had any side effects. I think it would be wise to try something else and see if that suits you.
I have edited your title slightly Sue - Hope thats ok. Email me if you have any questions
Please see your doctor.