I'm in Lousiana, and where I go to high school, I'm not exactly the most popular person around. That doesn't really bother me.
But this April, I got into some dumb argument with a guy who I'm kinda friends with, and I ended up challenging him to a fight. Like the idiot I am, I talked a lot of trash beforehand about
how I was gonna embarass him, kick his you know what, and so on, even though I wasn't sure I could. So long story short, I got pummeled, totally emabrassed. The next few weeks I heard a lot about
it from kids at school, and for some reason even people I don't know talked about
they were happy it happened, or about
how stupid I looked for it. My friends have told me about
hearing people talk about
it. Everyone knows.
I know someone reading this will probably think, "oh wow, what a huge problem" and think I'm just a kid who doesn't have any real issues to deal with. But ever since this happened, a day has not gone by where I have not thought about
what I would do to take back what happened. It's made me so depressed to the point where I have considered suicide on several occasions. School starts back up again next week, and I don't know how I'm going to handle another year of it. I don't think anyone will really talk about
it around me, but I don't think I can handle the feeling that everyone is thinking about
what happened, every time they speak to me. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I understand there are people on here who have had to deal with death, or other truly awful things. I know that this being the worst day of my life means I've had it pretty easy so far. But thinking "Other people have it worse" doesn't help me. I still feel awful. Even though I know in the grand scheme of things, it means nothing, I can't bring myself to feel okay about
it. To me, it's like the world is going to end. It's the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I can't do stuff I normally enjoy, without thoughts of it running through my head. I'll be watching a movie or something, and totally miss half of it because I hit an extreme low and start thinking, "What was I thinking? How could I let this happen?"
Post Edited (LADude) : 8/30/2006 8:17:16 AM (GMT-6)