thank you kala and stronglady
the family dynamics of my family on my mothers side.....well she grow up with gouverness and a big fancy house and with two other sisters ( not 3, my mom 's twin died at 3 mons old) one older sister by 4 yrs and one younger sister by 4 years. my grandma wanted her last child to be a boy so this is where i think all the teasing began with my moms younger sister created from grandpa and my mom followed suit thinking it was ok b/c she saw grandpa do it ......it helped to cause her sister, younger one, to be outcast and hurt and she gained alot of weight and then further teased for the weight she gained...
..it was said that my grandpa told her once...'i am throwing a big hollywood party ( he was in the movie business and a big shot in film during the depression so had lots of money) at home here and i dont want you to come downstairs so stay in your room b/c i dont want anyone to know you are my daughter....'
she was slightly overweight and 12 yrs old at the time and one eye crossed which was later fixed....can you imagine being my auntie and having a dad say that to you at 12? then he used to say things like 'omar the tent maker is in town i see', when she used to walk by....
my mom chimed in all the time agasint her, so this is where she learned how to be mean to her younger sister who never hurt anyone, she jsut wasnt as pretty as the other two sisters were and in this family ( hollywood) beauty was everything.
grandpa was not a smart man from schooling, he quit the 6th grade and then was self taught i think back then in fact only one of his three brothers ever graduatd from high school and all left school to make their way in the movie busniess b/c back then you did nt need education like you do today. all you needed was a camera and anyone willingto play the part of an actor.
his father, my great grandpa was mean. he was a tailor in the lower east side in nyc and lived in a one or two room walk up and had 5 kids altoghter, it was said he used to beat his kids and was not nice.
it was said that one cousin who was midly retarded was kept locked in a closet.
i am writingall this b/c i think the abuse goes from generation to generation until someone gets some smarts and learns how to stop it.
now the two sisters do not talk to my mom either b/c of the furthering abuse from left over childhood that never got resolved. and my mom never knew how to say 'i am sorry for hurting you' to me or to them orto anyone. shewas always right and everyone else was always wrong.
the only person whom she respected was her dad who died in 1962 and left her all that money. as soon as he died and she got her moeny she threw away my dad but not before using his paint and hardware store to fix up her new hosue wit hwallpaper, paint and new every thing inside, then like a worn outshoe she threw him away. she got waht she needed from him and now he was not worth anything anymore to her or to her way of thinking to us kids.
we were told not to see him b/c he drank, well from an adult perscpetive on this now, i can see why he drank...i would ve too if it was me.
to get away from her mentally.
so i had no dad, no auntie b/c she estranged her also since childhood, no cousins on either side my dads or my mom's, no mom as far as i was concerend and nothing.
i lived in a nice house but it might as well have been the slums inside.....
9-02 crash w/ C-5-6-7 anterior/posterior fusion in neck w/11 screws and 4 metal plates. multilevel HNP at T & L section. FMS, PA in dec 05. on SSDI after 2.5 yr wait. sezuires, CTS, IBS ( C & D). norco, xanax, predisone shots. i dont know what else is wrong with me and neither does anyone else!!!