Hi. I thought I'd join a message board that provided support for depression. I have suffered from Chronic Depression for 10 yrs but I can track my bouts of depression back to 12 yrs of age. I'm a Social Services Caseworker in Toronto.
I've always thought I could "manage" my depression. I tried different meds, Paxil, Serzone, Zoloft and most recently, Effexor. Except for the Paxil, (which made me worse so I got off them quickly) most of them work for awhile and then stop working. We're going to see about the Effexor for now. The reality of my illness hit me the other day when the Dr told me " Its not the meds, its not your job.. its not anything.. its YOU." And it hit me,, without my meds.. I'm this depressed, confused, flakey puddle of anxiety and sadness and self loathing and this is who I'll always be without my meds.
I will never be able to function as a normal person unless I'm chemically supported.
You don't know how much that SUCKS to me. (or.. maybe you do)
I've taken a sick leave from work and I have to seriously consider whether I want to change my career, move out of the city or at the very least, change divisions.. All I want to do right now is sleep, ignore life and wallow in self pity. However, I have a daughter I'm raising on my own and thats not an option.
I'm always going to be this illness. Its overwhelming to me to know this.
I thought, maybe if i come here.. I can get the support and information I need to start healing and accepting my fate and maybe learn how to manage it effectively.