Posted 9/6/2006 1:44 AM (GMT -6)
i was in an abusive relationship which i regret staying for as long as i did but i was working on my MS degree and didnt have much money to be on my own so unforntuantely i had to deal with it ...it was like walking on egg shells every day; this man had an explosive temper and as soon as i could get out i did....sadly my kid had to see his drinking habits and bad temper when things didnt go his way, he was a childish man who on the outside looked okay, a 'fireman' who served in vietnam and an expert sharpshooter to boot....
he neglected to tell me that while he was in nam, one of his best friends got depressed and shot himself in his head and then shot the CO in front of my ex- husband and never talked about it with anyone, one day he spilled his guts about it to me at the kitchen table...i was appalled at what i heard....had i known this before i never would have been with him -the secrets men hide ...it was then i knew why he was the way he was, he was suffering from PTSD and never got any help for it and denied getting help for it or wanting help for it....
i was scared of him. i tried to leave several times once to a womens shelter which did nothing for me , they in fact told me to go back to him to see if i could try to make up with him since i had medical insuracne with him an dental ins and while i was in school i needed a place to stay.
it was awful, i have been married three times and now i do not mind being alone so now you know why.
Alan, never beat me up physicially but was menancing anyways and emotionally abusive to me. i never knew how he was going to be after a days work and was always fearful of him.
i ate crow to get what i wanted which was to get my degree b/c then i knew i could get a job and book outta there which is what i eventually did. i was with him from 1992 to 1998 awful years but i got my teeth all done over and took advantage of every thing he had to offer for myself to make things more bearable.
finally i left in 1998 june to take a teaching job 80 miles away from him. i did not miss him at all.
you do not have to be phyicially punished to be hurt, it can be emotionaly abuse also, and your friend may being emotionaly abused by him and this is a very bad thing for kids to see.
because they end up thinking this is okay and model the behavior of what is being done to them at home, to others in school....also if the kids at aschool tell the teacher, the techer is a mandated reporter- they will call CPS on the family.
she needs to leave him and get away from him and keep her kids from being witness to any more of this. if he hits her and she presses charges, he will be out the next day and as mean as ever.
even with a restaining order agaisnt him, means nothing for if he has it in his mind to hurt her he will do it no matter what any court says to keep away.
she has to flee with the kids and not go back and make a plan to do this ASAP quietly, if she can get some money and take her things and stash them with a friend ( valuables etc) and if need be set him up with a video cam in the hosue to catch him in the act and use it agaisnt him in a court of law, then she may have him locked up for longer.....she can apply for WIC and other support services for herself and her kids....
He has a problem. if i am reading this correctly what you wrote and she is in danger. moreover, her kids are in danger also. a man with a hairpin temper you never know what to expect from them.
so she should get out ( easier said than done) i left a total of 5 times and went back before i left for good in 1998 b/c i did nt have any money to sustain myself and ended up wracking up student loans to have some money to live off of. can someone help her in the family or friends? she needs t o be far away from him to be sure.
Gosh - i hate hearing about stuff like this b/c i went through it also and it was bad.
i hope this turns out okay
9-02 crash w/ C-5-6-7 anterior/posterior fusion in neck w/11 screws and 4 metal plates. multilevel HNP at T & L section. FMS, PA in dec 05. on SSDI after 2.5 yr wait. sezuires, CTS, IBS ( C & D). norco, xanax, predisone shots. i dont know what else is wrong with me and neither does anyone else!!!