Dunno what to do anymore!

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/11/2006 3:25 AM (GMT -7)   
First off.....
Im 15!
And i just joined this website!
I was looking for any help possible!
I was diagnosed with Depression when I turned 14. Yet id been living with it for a very long time!
I am Adopted!
My birth mom called me on my bithday and said im an aweful person out of being drunk! And I met my Dad January 8th 2006! 8 months ago!
I am very close with him, My step-mom and my 4 siblings....but me and my adoptive mother fight constantly!
I have always felt empty!
Recently trying to fill tha gap with anything....2 new cell phones.....A 2004 honda civic....(first car at 15!)
Shopping,hanging out,pets
but as soon as i get something new...i look for somethig else to make me whole! I feel like half a person and I thought by finding my dad I would find the other half of me....i love them to death but i still dont know WHO I am! Its driving me so0o0o0o crazy that  i cant fill the hole! Im also On Celexa for my depression! NOT HELPING so im going to phsiciatrist next week!  

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 9/11/2006 3:51 AM (GMT -7)   
there is alot that will work, there is help, your doing the right thing by doing resarch. knowledge is our strongest weapon i think. you won't feel this way every day. i take zoloft it has worked real good for me for a long time. i have to remind myself all the time that life is a process not an event. i started looking here because i've been feeling the way you do right now, i'm going to keep fighting please do the same, go through the motions and it will get better. sometimes i just have to decide that i'm a whole person and haven't admitted it to myself yet. if i could just let myself be i would be. i'll be here for you, i've found alot of support here.

32 years

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 208
   Posted 9/11/2006 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
First, you're at a tough age. I remember being 15 (I'm 57). At that age, I had doubts. I realize now, that is normal. When I went to my 10 year reunion a lot of years ago, I found out that just about everyone felt the same way I did. So first... Some of what you are feeling is normal just because you are a teenager.
You have the same worth as any other human being. They are no different from you and you are no different than them. You need to value yourself more.
I had bypass surgery three years ago. It's at a moment like that you understand how lucky your are just to be alive. I would suggest to you that you will find yourself, you'll find what you enjoy doing, you'll make some friends along the way. All that will make it "worth it."
I hope this helps some.
All the best.


Regular Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 280
   Posted 9/11/2006 5:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I have suffered from depression for many years (I am 46.) As a child, I remember collecting things I felt sorry for, then crying for them. I would cry for people and animals also.

Then in my 20s I was diagnosed with OCD also. Then anxiety disorder.

Today I take Serzone (generic) and Ativan. Serzone is the only med that helped me. I don't sit and cry all day now.

God bless you. You will be in my prayers.
Adopt a retired racing greyhound

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 9/11/2006 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Welcome to Healing Well

The thing with antidepressants is...the wont take away your problems, just help you to cope better. Have you talked to your doctor bout therapy? i think you would benefit from this. Having an outside person to talk to really helps. If you feel no better from the antidepressants you are taking, talk to your doctor about possibly changing them.

You are stronger than you think
Keep in touch with us - it is lovely to have you here
Co~Moderator: Depression Forum

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/11/2006 3:50 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you for all your help!

i go to a counsellor once a week and i also go to a phsyciatrist so I guess il keep doing that!




thanks so much!


Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 9/11/2006 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
MakenziePaige15 said...

Thank you for all your help!

i go to a counsellor once a week and i also go to a phsyciatrist so I guess il keep doing that!

 thanks so much!


Welcome Mak - You have taken some great first steps already just by reaching out for help.  Very few people know who they are at 15 so try to take  deep breath about that.  I know that being adopted adds another dimension to the who am I question but you have time to take care of these things.  Try not to take it all at once. 

Seeing a counsellor and a phsyciatrist (pdoc) is a great source of support and help.  I encourage you to be completely honest with both of them about what is going on with you, how you are feeling and especially any changes that you go through.  Besides whatever is going on for you emotionally you are also at an age where your body is changing fast and that can be overwhelming too.  It is also a very normal thing.  All moms and teenager's argue and usually go through a difficult time.  That is not the same thing as being emotionally abused.  Try to be clear about the difference and talk to your counsellor about these things. 

In my opinion the key to dealing with all of these things is to take control of yourself.  Try to realize the things that you can change and be in control of and the things you cannot, such as, the way your mom speaks to you.  Words do hurt but you are not in control of her words.  She owns them and she owns the responsibility of them.  You do have people around you who love you try to focus on that and know that some day you will have more control.  Sometimes being a kid sucks but you are in good company, we all go through it.

This is a place where you can come and find understanding and someone (lots of someones) who will listen.

Walk in harmony

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/11/2006 11:53 PM (GMT -7)   
wow seems like you actually unserstand me!
thats a first!

yeah its absolutly insane the way me adn my mother fight!
I swear she doesnt like me! she goes outta her way to make me miserable!

And I dont expect to know who i am....i just thought I did! And then out of no where I had a huge hole that No matter what i do nothing fills it!!!!!
I dont know if its because ive been hurt so many times!
But ive been to counselling for 8 years and its not helping like i thought! but I have my phsyciatrist appointment tomorrow I guess!

I just want to get help because I cant keep laying around and feeling aweful and sad and alone and its making me CRAZY! lol!

but thanks!
always, Makenzie

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 9/12/2006 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   

I do get it. When I was a kid I had a feeling of a presence in my life. Suspend belief for a minute here and stay with me on this okay. Later in my life I identified that presence as my paternal grandmother who passed away when my dad was a baby. I never knew her but always felt a hole in my life. As soon as I knew that it was her, that feeling went away. I worked hard to find out about her. She was an amazing woman and I am glad that she watched over me.

I get the hole thing. I have also since found out that my dad was a sperm doner. I have 3 natural siblings. 1 I don't get along with that well, 1 is great but lives far away and 1 is difficult to describe. He is a good person that I have very little in common with and his wife is a shrew. I have always wanted to belong to a strong, close family. My mom and I were not close when I was a kid and have never really been able to achieve that in my adulthood. My dad is great but was a busy guy. I would love to find out if I have any half-siblings out in the world. I know that they may turn out to be people who don't want anything to do with me or just not nice people. What if they are nice people? What if we do get along? I have not done anything about trying to find them because 1) I need my dad's doner number and I don't have it and 2) I don't want to bring anything unwanted into my parent's life. If I make this choice I need to make it for myself and not them.

The thing about childhood is that even though it may feel like it, it isn't terminal and it will pass. This sounds pretty lame but try to get involved in something that is a passion for you. Join clubs at school, do volunteer work, get a job. These things will all help you pass that time, teach you great self reliant skills and help you focus on other things. When I was 12 I started hiking. It blew me away the first time I walked into the mountains and was surrounded by nature. As a teen I hiked as often as I could and worked with a local park department as a camp counselor. This passion I have brought me my best friend in 9th grade and we are still there for each other. It brought me my husband, a wonderful man, and taught me how to be strong and self reliant so that I didn't need the approval of people who made me feel unwanted.

I do believe that we are capable of outgrowing our counsellors. If you have been with this person for so long, perhaps it is time to change therapists. Sometimes we get to the point where we have done as much work with one person as we can. Only you will know the answer to this question.

Stay in touch.
Walk in harmony

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