I realize that many things contribute to a person's response, but lately I feel like I must be coming across as desperate, and thus end up pushing people away, which is exactly not what I want nor need. Since I'm craving human contact.
When plans don't materialize I find myself sinking into dispair, since I tend to blame myself. Even when I realize that I don't have a complete understanding of the reasons why a person has canceled or not followed through, it still feels like I must have done something or not said the right thing to make that person not want to hang out with me. I realize that this is irrational, but for some reason I just can't seem to help it.
I am trying to reach out to more people and build my support system, but it gets very frustrating when the very small group of people that I've finally gotten enough courage to follow up with have then backed out on me. :( I mean on some level I do understand that there could be many other things that could cause a person not to follow through, things that have nothing to do with me. But, I just can't help but feel hurt when something that I've been looking forward to doesn't materialize. :(