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Posted 9/20/2006 4:47 PM (GMT -6)
Hi everyone -

I have been off and on Healing Well for about a year now but I think that I have reached my lowest point. I am often depressed but normally I care and try and get help. This time I don't care - at all. I am 30 and have dedicated my life to taking care of my parents but I guess I made a mistake because I have no life to speak of.

I don't think that I have ever been this depressed. Please don't tell me to "snap out of it." I don't think that I could take it today.

Sorry to rant but I don't know what else, if anything, I can do.

 

Posted 9/20/2006 6:41 PM (GMT -6)
My friends and family always tell me to snap out of it and it drives me insane. Like Noca said, hang in there and things may change. I know you said you have no life, but have you thought about joining an adult sports league (like soft-pitch softball or something)? Everyone is there to have a good time and while some nuts are very competitive, the majority are there to just have a good time. It's a great relaxation type thing if there's nothing to do and once a week it keeps you busy. I've found that for me when there's nothing to do my depression gets the worst of me because I have more time to think about it.
Posted 9/20/2006 11:14 PM (GMT -6)

Anybody who tells you to 'snap out of it' just hasn't got a clue!  Forgive them their ignorance. 

Caregiving is a difficult job... check NCFA website for information and support.  And keep posting here.  I suspect we've all been in a place where we just don't care anymore, where absolutely nothing matters to us. 

A psychologist, years ago, gave a great definition of depression:  It is a disease where, if there were a magic wand across the room that would erase all your problems - you don't have the energy or motivation to walk across the room to pick it up.

Hang on.  Try to do one small thing today that gives you pleasure.  :-)

Posted 9/21/2006 7:07 AM (GMT -6)

damwinston, for all those that are caregivers they are at a much higher rate for depression and related illnesses as they give so much to others and often forget to take care of themselves.  I too was in the health care field for many, many years any regardless of what kind of care you do, it is almost impossible to care for others and be a selfish person at the same time....

Please know that you wont hear "snap out of it" here....at least not on the depression board.  Your feelings are real and valid.  wmnak has given you a wonderful resource with the NCFA website.  Also, perhaps you can take a few days for yourself and be lazy, do some things you like to do.  If this doesnt help with your depression any then perhaps you may want to talk to your doctor, but you do want to make sure you do something for yourself and only yourself at least once a day no matter how small it is.

Take care
Posted 9/22/2006 9:57 AM (GMT -6)
Thank you all for your support. I guess this is hard because I am a depressed person normally. I am the "see the glass half empty" girl. I lost some "friends" a couple of years ago because I was "too depressed" all the time. Things have changed SOOO much in the past few years.

Sometimes it is just all too much to deal with and I have taken every medication that there is on the market (I think).

I am trying to find someone to go and talk to about all of this but that is also a problem. I am not good at being counseling. Not because I think that they are wrong or anything like that, but because I feel bad for pouring all of my problems out on them and my problems, in comparison to many others, are trivial and I try, unknowingly, to be funny and make them feel better. Typical caregiver right?

Oh and to add insult to injury someone ran into my car the other night.

Great.

dammy

Posted 9/23/2006 6:36 AM (GMT -6)

I can understand that greatly....I have had depression pretty much forever (as long as I can remember).  I worked in the mental health field for many years, studied psychology and have my degree in it.  Yet still refused to go to counseling myself as I saw so many people from my line who were much worse off then I and I always thought I could "handle it" or "control it". 

In my belief now, depression is such an individual disorder.  You dont have to have the abusive background, relationships, or general disfunction to have depression and have it impact you in a severe way.  As you stated in your post, things pile up one on top of the other and in someone who has depression we tend to dwell on these things.  It took me a long time to get my behind into counseling (just last yr..and I am 33 yrs old) and it has helped me greatly if for nothing else then to just clearing my mind of all the crap that I carry around with me on a daily basis.  Stress.

Please dont worry about unburdening your problems onto someone else in this manner, this is what they are trained for.

I am sorry about your car... sad   to that I can relate also!  We had a huge hail storm a few months ago and I had thousands of dollars of damage done to my car (forgot to put it in the garage)....finally got the last of the body work done 3 weeks ago and while my car was at the body shop, finished and waiting for me to pick it up some idiot ran into it.  Karma i guess.... eyes

Posted 9/23/2006 9:11 PM (GMT -6)
i hate it when people tell me to hang in there also. and then they put me out of their mind.
i too am at a all time new low, hopeless and with no one that cares. tired of the suicidal thoughts
and trying to hang on another day.

hope it gets better for you.
Posted 9/23/2006 11:17 PM (GMT -6)
It's hard for me, to know that someone is hurting because of depression, anxiety/panic attacks, bipolar.  These conditions are very hard to understand, when the other person has not knowledge....or never felt the pain from suffering one.  I Know, I suffer too.  Perhaps, we say "hang on", because we're not with you physically, but just on-line.  But we can all "read"/"listen" to your post, relate to your situation.  Please keep posting, we're here, we will listen.
Posted 9/25/2006 10:00 PM (GMT -6)
Thank you all so much. Suicide isn't really a concern because that would take energry - sounds stupid but it is true. My father (I moved back in with my parents) just GOT IT today. He understood after the upteenth time that I can't live alone because of the seizures. He never knew that they could be deadly!! What??
I have a website to help people that are elderly and/or handicapped (and btw if you need a halloween costume they are there - www.boundaryfreeliving.com) and that keeps me busy when I have the energy to do it.
Just sooo long a story and too depressing - which is kind of funny.
One day at a time I guess.
dammy
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