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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/27/2006 3:18 PM (GMT -6)   
I feel like a failure in life. In the past year, I've lost my husband,
my relationship with my parents and just recently my job. My soon-to-be
ex husband came out as being gay a couple months ago. I have serious
trust issues with my new relationship that are completely unfounded.
I'm sad all the time and spend a lot of my day crying, I've slept for
the past two days and have no motivation to do much of anything. Any
words of advice? Thanks

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/27/2006 5:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Autumn Dawn -- beautiful name by the way :) -- welcome to HW! It's been a real godsend to me and I hope you find it the same for you.

I'm so sorry you lost these things. Sometimes it's amazing how much pain can fly at you all at the same time -- big hugs to you (((Autumn))).

I won't say I've been through the same as you, but there are some similarities. Over the last 6 months I've lost, got back, lost, got back, etc, and finally lost my partner (now ex) due to his ptsd and bipolar. He completely shut down in the end. Like you, I have major trust issues now -- recognised this the other day when my ex tried to hug me (seemed a bit like he felt he ought to -- not heartfelt) and I was like a deer in headlights -- major panic attack; and then again when the same day I got chatted up by someone (who seems lovely, but.... argh) and I wanted to run run run and cry cry cry -- but settled for another panic attack.... . Like you I'm lacking motivation. Most of the time I'm not tearful, but I just feel so blank, like I've shut down -- which I suppose I have, as it has just been so painful.

It's odd trying to give advice to you when I'm kind of in the same place (well, in a way, and not in so many ways). I guess I'm starting with friendships -- trying to make sure that I have those people who are special to me and who I already trust around me before I start to think of any new friendships, let alone relationships. I'm enjoying the fact that for the first time in months I am able to find some men attractive ... but when I think any further with this I just go bananas and the breathing starts to go ... so I'm nowhere near ready!!

Sounds like in your case, with a new relationship, you could do with some counselling -- maybe even jointly with your new man, depending on how things stand at present and how comfortable you'd feel suggesting this. I suppose ultimately, if he's a keeper, he'll want to help you. I hope so!!!

Rosie x

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...


Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/28/2006 9:24 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Autumn Dawn, I am adding my welcome to you to Healing Well, we are most happy to have you join us here.

I cant begin to imagine what you must of went through and must still be going though.  I am divorced myself for 2 years now and was with my ex-husband for a total of 12 years.  As much as I would like to blame him for the fall out of our marriage I have to admit that I am partly responsible (very small part...hehehe tongue ).  I got sick with MS 2 years after we were married and he changed into a mean and verbally abusive person after that.  Perhaps he had shown signs of this before?...I dont know, maybe if I looked hard enuf, but it did result in the total breakdown of our relationship.

So I have a hard time with relationships now or even just dating in I try to pick apart everything the guy says and am looking for any signs of imbalance.  Trust is a huge problem with me too...I was with this guy for 12 years and he just changed or maybe he didnt change, I was only seeing what I wanted too...who knows?

I think that Rosie gave you some excellent advice with the counseling.  Maybe it shouldnt be so much learning how to trust someone else but learning how to trust yourself again and your instincts. 

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/18/2006 12:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Unfortunately broken trust in relationships applies to both men and women. I have suffered with depression most of my life and now that my 38th year is approaching I can finally say my life is stabilizing. I have been hurt by abusive people more time than I care to imagine, but I realize now my depression was a big part of why I was in these bad relationships in the first place. I felt like that is what I deserved or was lucky to have anything. Now after treatment for my depression and a lot of work I have a healthy and happy marriage. I guess what I'm trying to say is hold on I and many others know how much you hurt. I've been you! It will get better if you work at it through therapy, maybe meds, exercise and anything else that makes you happy. I still have bad days and you know what I mean by "bad days" but they are less severe...hang on.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/19/2006 9:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear AutumnDawn. I'm sorry that you are going through so much. I too have had one blow after another. I can't catch my breath (literally! - I hang out in the "anxiety" forum too). Perhaps you have not healed from what happened in your marriage. My husband left me after 4 months of marriage. I was blindsighted. People think he might be gay. I will never know and that makes it even harder - I have no real closure but I have moved on. I think that you need to heal yourself and then trust yourself and then you will be able to trust others. I would talk openly with your current bo about this. It might just draw you closer. Whatever you think - you are not a failure you are just human.
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."

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