Depression and Dating

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/2/2006 2:54 AM (GMT -6)   
The 2 don't seem to go together. Its so hard to get rejected by girls and not getting depressed about it. Whats worse is repeatedly getting rejected. I feel like I shouldn't give up but at the sametime I keep making myself get depressed. It feels like I'm being counter productive.

Most of the time I feel ok. I stopped getting therapy about 6 weeks ago because I was starting a new life by moving to a new city for school. So everything is getting better and everything is, except for the fact that I just can't seem to find that special someone. Now I'm thinking maybe I should get myself back into therapy. I was hoping to be ok again soon so I can stop taking the meds but now I don't know.

It sucks to be ugly. It sucks to be angry and not have a release. It sucks to not have a happy place or thing to go to when you need it.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 10/2/2006 6:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ya Rage, Welcome to healing well forum, we are happy to have you join us here. It seems that you have some idea about what you need to do to help yourself such as thearpy and possibly medication if you and your physician deem necessary. Depression is a serious disorder and rejection can make it so much worse also can major life changes like your recent move. 
I cant help much with the dating advice as I am so disfunctional in this area...but I do know that you have to work on being happy or comfortable with yourself first inorder to have a good relationship with someone else. 
Posting here is a good and positive thing as you can get many differant perspectives, suggestions, advice and support. So I hope you can use this site as your "happy place" to go to when you need it. Looking forward to seeing more from you...take care

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/11/2006 1:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Rage, May I gently recommend a workbook named "10 Steps to Self Esteem?" Perhaps you could get a short-term course of therapy to go through this book. It helped me. I recommend this gently because of the way you talk about yourself. You are not ugly to God. You simply are not ugly. If you are angry, that is something internal that needs to be healed. A safe group is the best place to do this kind of work (perhaps a large local community church in your area will have a recovery group). Don't ever give up on finding your special someone but learn to be special to yourself first or at least along the way. I used to be thin and beautiful but I didn't know it. Self esteem comes from the inside and radiates outward as attractiveness. Also, even though you are depressed, force yourself to do 1 thing each week that is interesting to you. Being interested makes you interesting. :)
Take care.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 10/11/2006 2:12 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree with everything said so far. I think you need to stop focussing on looking for that "special someone" as you put it. Sometimes when you are trying too hard, everything backfires. It sounds like what you need most is to learn to "love thyself". A "special relationship" is not there to simply boost your self-esteem. A "special relationship" is a give and take of looking after each others needs. You cannot rely solely on a partner to give you self-esteem and make you feel good about yourself. It's too much to ask of any one person. Therefore, you may find taking yourself out of the dating game for awhile, focussing on yourself, building your self-esteem as mentioned above, figuring out who you are, what makes you tick, what makes you interesting, what makes you happy, and you know what, once you are in a comfortable place, that special someone may show up when you are least expecting it, because that person will be able to see you for what you are and you will be able to build a healthy relationship that's built on mutual respect for each other. You can't hang all your hats on someone else's coat rack, after awhile, they're just going to get fed up with having to carry all your baggage. The bottom line is, if you dont' respect yourself, no one else will. It's tough love.

I do think you are on the right track with the therapy and what not though. See your doctor if you have concerns about your meds, but meds alone will not solve your problems. They just make it so you can function enough to work on your problems.

And remember, everyone is beautiful. And supermodels and such, are all air brushed to perfection! They are not "real", but you are! Be true to yourself.
 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 10/12/2006 7:15 AM (GMT -6)   
I went thru a bad marriage/bad divorce. It took me 5 years to begin dating again. And I still believe it was because of the "don't even think about it" vibe I gave off. Plus the depression,of course I did not have a smile on my face at all. People tend to be scared to approach someone that does not look or act happy. I firmly believe that there is someone out there for everyone. But I also believe that people seem to miss that person as they are looking the other way. Meaning: the right person could be right next to you and you didn't notice her because you were having a bad day,or too scared to smile at her..
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 10/16/2006 3:59 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Rage -

I have to agree with you, depression and dating do not seem to go together.  I mean when we're feeling depressed we don't always have the energy to flirt, but we still want to be understood and still crave compassion.  I think it boils down to how much we're willing to risk at a certain point in time.  I mean when I'm feeling outgoing and spontaneous, I'm much more likely to flirt.  Whereas, when I'm feeling anxious and self-conscience I'd rather look at the fake plants in the room than anyone around me!  But, one of things I've realized recently is I can change the way I view the world.  I mean - if I want to be that fun and outgoing person I can be, but if I'd rather be alone I can choose not to socialize as well.  It's all about choice and as long as I'm the one who is comfortable with that choice and the consequences that follow (perhaps he won't flirt back - if he doesn't it's his loss) than I'm the one in control of the situation rather than the disease controling me.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 10/20/2006 7:20 AM (GMT -6)   
I have to say this. Before I met my b/f I thought I would never love again. I had let my depression take over my love life.
I met him,he helped me get off of all the meds I was taking by staying up with me at night,getting whatever I needed and encouraging me every day. He knows I have depression and does his best to help me. It took about 2 years,and I woke up one day and realized that for the first time in my life I am happy. I am safe,and I feel loved.
I am very lucky,I do worry that I am too dependant on him now,as I worry that if something happened between us I would be worse than I was before.
But,we are strong together,and I am learning not to let the depression take over. It is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to learn. But,it is worth it.
Do not give up on yourself!
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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