I'm so sorry to hear about how difficult a time you're having. I agree with most of the advice that has been given so far.
My husband and I have been together for 13 years and for the last ten years I have been suffering from chronic migraines. For the mors recent five years I have been suffering from depression. He has struggled with my illness and depression because he couldn't fix it. He felt I should snap out of it.
Our relationship has succeeded because we have changed from fighting each other to fighting my disease together. We are partners. We were on the brink of divorce and I started to go to counselling at his request. I think he gave me an ultimatum. I don't remember if it was verbal or implied, but I know I understood that if I didn't get help he was leaving. He also strongly encouraged me to take anti-depressants, which the psychologist supported and also recommended.
After I had moved ahead along way, then it was time for him to come to counselling with me. There were some unhealthy behaviour patterns that he was contributing to my depression. For example, I no longer needed ultimatums and directions from him. I was strong enough again to make my own decisions and he needed to learn to trust me again.
I believe he gave me ultimatums because he was taking care of himself. He couldn't take it anymore. Thank goodness he was strong enough to do that and I was strong enough to listen.
As someone said, it is important for you to take care of yourself first. It is not okay for him to hurt you physically or emotionally. Perhaps it's time for you to have that serious talk with your husband. To let him know what you need in order for you to continue to stand by his side. Have you asked him what he wants you to do? Perhaps it's time to move out on your own and work with him from a distance.
As someone else said, anti-depressants take 4 - 6 weeks to start working. If he's having a lot of trouble with side effects a psychiatrist is the best to help prescribe the right medications. I don't like the sound of a psychiatrist - psychologists are okay, but for some reason not psychiatrists. But I went because she was able to check all of the medications I was on and let us know if there was a better combination that would work better.
Good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside.