Hi, I thought I would add my 2cents. Wolfer and all of you that posted... have been through the wringer and back. We have a right to gripe as far as I am concerned. But, then we have to do something to change things and move on out of the depression.
Unfortunately, unlike horses, we don't get shot to get us out of our pain and suffering. lol Mabye not so funny to some, but I"m sure some have wished for that kind mercy at times of great pain.
Wolfer, I would say that you are very overwhelmed and scared. Your life has changed drastically and that is somthing very difficult to look at, deal with and accept. There are all kinds of feelings involved, loss, grief, anger, and eventually if you can not get stuck in these, you will come to accept things. It is like a death of sorts, don't you think. You have lost your ability to make money, your pride has been crushed, and you mentioned you are disabled to the point of self catherization. I know something about that. I have a 24 year old with spinabifida and she does that 4 times a day and has since she was small. It's not something that is easy to manage. So, there is embarrasment over that, I'm sure. And a feeling that you have lost a part of you that you used to could control to some degree.
I have been fortunate to have not been physically ill until about 4 years ago. I do have a psychiatric disorder, bipolar2; and now have prednisone induced diabetes, Autoimmine disease attacking my liver, skin and connective tissue. After reading your posts and some of the others I feel fortunate. Although, I have been dealing with mental and emotional pain for many years (sometmes people don't understand that as illness) it can and has been devastating at times.
These things are harder for some to accept that others. Sometimes we hold on to the past instead of living today.. wishing we could go back.. I know I do at times. I would sure have done things differently in many way, esp with my health. The fear of the unexpected is difficult and that " what else can happen"?? song has been playing in my mind for the past 6 months. I am working on acceptance but I'm still pretty pissed that this has happened to me. I have to realize that I have not got much control though, except to do the things that help me. Wrting on here helps me and I hope it helps others.
I know I need feedback and encouragement from others as I trudge through these illnesses. I've had a success today. Finally the medication for the Psoriatic arthritis is working after 3 months.
I am hoping that by now you have some answers from the procedure you had done.
My best to you in dealing with these life changing and painful issues. I pray you can come to accept things in time and live with some serenity.
"Hope is seldom found in the things we can see;it is the sweet fragrance of grace."