How does this make you feel?

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 10/13/2006 8:34 PM (GMT -6)   
I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside. 
                 --Wayne Dyer
I found this quote on one of your entries. I was completely offended by this choice.  How does it make everyone else feel? My life must be a bad dream.   

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/13/2006 11:48 PM (GMT -6)   


I'm dealing with some really big issues right now if you read my posts. But I've calmed down a little and really sat and looked at the quote. I think it means that we can't control what others do. They have their free will. It means we can only control ourselves. You can try and control what's happening to you the best you can. A little introspection. It actually has helped me calm down a bit more right now. I control my world and I'm going to try and not let it get to me. I don't think it was meant to be offensive. I think it was meant to be positive. I honestly don't think there is anyone out there who would intentionally hurt anyone else's feeling or beliefs.

Take Care,
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, probable Bi-Polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 10/14/2006 12:16 AM (GMT -6)   
 Hi,   I think what is ment by this is we cannot always control what happens in our world on the outside, but how we choose to view,  think, or react to it is our choice.    Lesley

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 10/14/2006 8:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Lesleybird and Seechell,
Thanks for your replies. I see your views. I just took it a whole different way. I have suffered from Depression and Bipolar for a very long time. To think that I can control everything that happens on the inside side, just made me feel as a total loser, like yeah I choose to control were my illness has taken me.
I certainly didn't ask for the depression and bipolar and going through everything was a hell of a time for me. To think that I had any control in the matter sounded bad to me.
I certainly didn't ask for all the meds that I was on, I had to be on them, not to mention all the things I went through with trial and errors of medication changes. I didn't want to be where I was emotionally, and I have been in some dark, scarey places with my illness.
I prayed everynight to be out of this mess that I was in. I put my family and friends through alot with my illness. I could not control what was happening to me. You get the jist of it.
I don't think anybody at healingwell wants to purposely hurt any one or mock us. This person just used that quote because it made her feel good but we are all here with our illnesses and I just stated how it made me feel, and I was wondering how it made others here feel. I just thought I couldn't be the only one feeling this way, and was curious what others think. After all we are all here to learn from each other.
Please continue to to post your replies. Was I really the only one that took offense to it?
By the way, I had no control of how I re-acted to things. Depression and bipolar just suffercated me.
Thanks, ***y

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/14/2006 10:25 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm not in the least offended.  Perhaps because I've been a fan of Dr. Dyer for years and understand his philosophy.  His motivational and metaphysical approach to Life is worth studying, especially when we are dealing with unwanted and undeserved burdons.  Read his books for positive and practical advice:
Your Erroneous Zones,
Pulling Your Own Strings,
Real Magic.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1441
   Posted 10/14/2006 1:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Guys,
I'm really sorry for my first post! I'm bi-polar with depression right now. I'm actually starting to believe I'm in a mixed episode right now since I re-acted that way when I first read it.
I guess I should be posting and hanging out in the bi-polar forum. They would understand my snappy judgements.
Sorry guys, I was just in the wrong place and the wrong time.
I apologize, Sincerely ***y

Joan M
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2052
   Posted 10/14/2006 8:44 PM (GMT -6)   
hi y...I understand the confusion, I think. You are thinking this guy (Wayne Dyer) is saying you can control the chemical inbalances or problems in the brain. Well, that is like saying you can control cancer or any other disease. You can't and it is horrible to be afflicted by these problems.

That is not what he really means though. What he means is that if somebody is mean to can't control them. What you can control is your reaction to can fight back, you can cry, you can choose to ignore them, etc. That is what you can control but you can't control them being mean to you.

I hope this is clearer than mud...and I think you belong everywhere.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/14/2006 8:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi ***y, don't beat yourself up about this.  I get defensive about comments people make about my migraines and depression -- like if I just take a long walk on the beach or if I learn to be thankful for what I have.  While that is true, it is "chemical" as well as psychological and it hurts when people don't understand.  I think you felt invalidated by that quote.  You're right.  You are not in control of the chemicals in your brain - which ARE internal.  The quote suggests that we have total control over our reactions to outside circumstances but when we are in a depressive state of mind, our sense of control is warped - because of our chemicals.  I do believe that the brain is a complex organ and that by conciously changing the way we perceive and talk to ourselves, regardless of how we really feel, we can begin to "feel" different too.  Hopefully you have a good therapist and a higherpower to turn to.  :)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 10/15/2006 11:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi sukay,
You are more then welcome to post here in the Depression forum anytime you like, we are happy to have you join us here. 

I understand that Bipolar and Depression go hand in hand as I have someone close to me who has both of these disorders and I have also worked in the mental health care system for many years.  Neither one of them is something that you can internally would be nice if we could.  I also have Major Depression, anxiety/panic disorder and cant control them myself so I understand your reasoning behind your post.

However, I believe Nicky had posted that quote under her signature....please do correct me if I am wrong here.  This would tell me that to her this quote means something to her personally.  I dont think it is appropriate to take offence to what someone puts in their signature (as long as it is benign and within forum rules) and it isnt directed towards us as an individual.  Many people put religious quotes in their signatures and there are many people who post here who dont agree with that or are of a different religion or dont believe at all. 


Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

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