Thank you all for your words.
First I let my mum back in to my life when I was going through a bad time with my oldest son.At the time he was blaming my for things that were going wrong in his life.I thought I wasn't to blame for the things going wrong in his life.It made me realise I should let go of the past and not blame my mum so much so I did.By the way when I was pregnant my mum told me never to touch my stomach and that she hated the thing growing inside me, when did give birth to my son for one reason and an other my mum had to be there with me.And the moment my mum saw my son she fell in love with him, but to me the damage had been done, I never bonded with my son the way I should have.And it has affected our relationship.
June this year my mum, dad, my sister her boyfriend& son,my brother his girlfriend and kids, were going on there holiday.My sisters boyfriend left her a few months before so they asked me to go.Never having a family Holiday with my family(mum dad) ever in my life i jumped at the chance. It turned out to be the worst decision i have ever made.My mum didn't want to spend any time with me because on the first night my bother and girlfriend were fighting and I got really upset about it.I have not seen violence since i left home at 17, i had a panic attack, and i said to my mum it was her and my dads fault we had all turned out the way we did.because of the violence we saw growing up. that's all I said. After a few days I asked her why? she didn't want to go for a walk with me? I asked her why? she couldn't sit on the beach with me even in th shade? on her own.She said she didn't like to sit in the sun it was to hot and it was HER holiday and she didn't want to get up early to go for a walk.She just didn't want to do anything with me.She spent the whole time with my sister.When i broke down crying cause i felt such alone she just got up and walked off and left me.I was shocked because as a mum if my child was crying i would at lest try to comfort them. When we got back from our holiday she told everyone my brother and i spoilt her holiday.She is fine with my brother but me she is not.Before going away she would phone me and when she was going to hang up she would say...love you! now she doesn't really phone and she never tells me she loves me anymore.
My mum had 3 kids by and other man before meeting my dad,I was one of them. She went on to have another 3 with the man i call dad. out of her 6 kids.One son killed himself 2 others have tried to kill themselves.I think we have all tried to run away when kids.
In the last 8 years she said she is a born again christian.I just cant see this.I think she is only nice to people who she thinks needs her.I'm sure she thinks i dont need a mum.
I am so sorry this is so long