I don't know what is wrong with you. I am very glad you have found this site though. WELCOME!!
I am not a therapist, or a professional, but have had some training, and lots of experience in Mental Health issues, mine and others. I can only offer you my experience and information. I do agree that seeing a counselour would be a good idea, it that is something you can do. Since you have been having these thoughts and feelings for so many years you could have a psychiatric disorder, or simply deep insecurity that could be helped with talk therapy. Either way, it is bothering you or you would not have written here.
I want to ask you a few quesions. Maybe by answering them someone who reads this can identify with it. I can remember feeling some of those feelings of insecurity when I was very young. It seems like a dream now, but I would wonder (what am I doing here)? (What is this world all about
)? I was very young at that time, growing up in a dysfunctional home with lots of insecurity.
Do you feel disassociated from reality at these times? How often does it happen? If you could rate how desperate you feel during these times from 1-10, what would it be? What kind of childhood did you have? Tell us as much as you can about
This is a good support group. The people here will help and encourage you. I hope you will get an appointment with a therapist to start to explore the things you wrote about
Please keep in touch.
"Hope is seldom found in the things we can see;it is the sweet fragrance of grace."