I can very much identify with the depression you described. It can be all consuming, disrupting your life, and relationships, and is very scary. I am glad you came here to talk about
Right now it sounds like you are feeling hopeless and helpless, but you are not alone. We are here for you and have a very supportive support group. When one is depressed the thoughts and feelings are of hopelessness, fear and despair. I'm sure you know them all too well. I am very familiar with them too, all of us here are.
You said that a breakup with your girlfriend forced to face the depression you were in. I'm sorry for the breakup, but glad that you sought help. Have you stopped seeing your therapist and Pdoc?
Are you off your medications? Sometimes the medications do stop working after awhile, and there needs to be adjustments to dosages, or a change. You also said that you have the depression for about
3 weeks, followed by mania. Have you been diagnosed with bipolar? I would assume so if you have been on a mood stabilizer.
Feeling like giving up is normal when you are depressed. I hope you have some support there at school. I know it's hard to think of things to do when you are so depressed. I"m sure it was an effort to even get on the computer and post here, but it's so great that you did.
It sounds like you are frustrated with the system, meds, and docs. I've been that we, and not too long ago. That's when I know that it's time for a change or a new direction dealing with my symptoms.
I can't tell you what to do, only make suggestions. I hope you will continue to write here, and seek out as much help as you can, online and off. When I get in the shape you are in I have a few friends that will "be" with me. I mean be with me, just the way I am. It's less scary that way. I have one friend in particular that comes to get me and takes me to her house or out to lunch. Sometimes she has to just come and take me because I won't get out of the bed, answer the phone, ect. I will call her at my worst though.. and it helps me just to change my focus a little. It's not all in the medications.
It's starts with us changing out thoughts. Thoughts lead to feelings, and feelings to actions.
If I can get hold of that when i am depressed, I can usually start doing something objectively and my thoughts will change, or get with someone that gets me away from home, which is my hiding place, esp my bed.
After you are moving around and doing more, moving the body, it sort of teaches your brain that it is ok to function, even for a little while. Those are like baby steps. Sometimes we have to take them to get going.
For me, I have always needed professional help to deal with my symptoms. I have gotten plenty frustrated, and the meds have stopped working for me too. But, I am now committed to working with all the tools that I can find to help me, including a good doctor, medication and therapy. I take a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, and an anti-anxiety medication
I have been depressed about
personal and physical problems lately. I have gotten support from people on here, and it helps me a lot to write to others like you. I hope I have given you some tiny
glimmer of light and hope, and in no way am I telling you to "snap out of it" we both know that is not possible. But...those baby steps, a phone call to a close friend, reaching out, moving around, taking a walk, a shower... doing something that might seem impossible are big things when we feel like we cannot do them. I have finally convinced myself that I won't do those little things instead of can't.
I can say that to myself now, and am pretty successful at making myself do them to help me out of the mess I am in.
I wrote a lot. I hope I didn't say tooo much, but I felt a lot of desperation in your post and want to help you if can.
I hope we'll be seeing more posts from you on here.
Hang in There!!! Help is here.. keep coming back.