I'm of two minds on this issue to be honest. I think there are scenarios where our actions, which are fuelled by our thoughts both negative and positive, can help contribute to an outcome. For example, my husband often assumes that my son is going to do something wrong or not do something or whatever, and I sometimes believe that the outcome satifies his assumption because my son figures there's no point, he's already assumed to be in the wrong. Or when one figures there's no chance of it working so therefore does not even attempt it. I am always one who figures it is better to ask and get turned down then to not ask and find out later, that it might have worked. I'm always trying to concoct ideas to improve things and work on things but the problem often arises where I have to rely on other people.
On the other hand there are things that are completely out of our control and that just happen. Some years, for example, seem worse than others because everything seems to go wrong. In fact in thinking about
our own family history I can name a couple of those years 1996 - the year I got pregnant with my son - I was 18/19, my brother hit my sister with the car, it was a tough year financially for my dad's business and therefore the family, my grandfather died. 1999 - the year my mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer and it was just a rough year in general for us as a new family. 2005 - the year my mother-in-law died and my husband lost his job. Those things were all out of our control. They were accidents. But on the other hand, there are good years too where things go well.
It's impossible to live life without things going wrong or accidents happening. But it's how we deal with the lower moments and down times that really help define us as people and who we are as individuals. And some do cope better than others.
So no we don't make bad things happen to us, they can just happen, but on the other hand self-defeating thoughts and actions can contribute to an outcome.
I hope that makes sense.
slowlygoingcrazy (P.S. I'm glad you find my advice helpful!)
It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....