When I first started posting on this site,everything but anything was wrong,or went wrong.
No job,moving to a new place. Kids living 2 hrs away...which made it hard for me to see them with no money for gas and no car. Worried about my relationship with my b/f..
Now,I have a job (19 hrs of overtime this week). Kids are now 16 and 19 and both have cars and jobs. (they are coming here this morning for the weekend for the first time,I am paying for their gas so I know they will want to do this all of the time)
And my relationship with my b/f just keeps getting stronger.
It just amazes me to think back just a year ago. I kept getting sick,it seemed like I could do nothing right.
Now things are clicking..I keep expecting something bad to happen,and have it send me spiraling down the deep end again. I am still having a hard time trusting my b/f as far as knowing he will always be there when I need him. That is just my history taking affect.
I still have to pop benadryl when I feel the panic attacks starting,but so far the depression is something I can handle now. I just never thought I would be ok.
There is hope for everyone that is for sure.
I remember laying in bed with my ex snoring next to me after a night of him hitting me. And daydreaming of a life where I was safe,and happy and maybe "just maybe" finding someone that did not hurt me and loved me. Of my kids being happy and getting to this point in their life where they are independant,and can make their own decisions. It feels unreal at times,but it is happening.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia