Hi everyone, I have been going through a major depression with intense anxiety. I contemplated suicide. I couldn't see a way out of the hole. Instead, I reached out to everyone and asked for help. I have chronic migraine and have been on state disability the last 10.5 months. My husband left me in September after only 4 months of marriage - with an email. I think he suffered from anxiety and depersonalization and maybe even narcisstic personality disorder. He couldn't just admit that it was him so he projected all of it on to me. I'm 42, a Christian woman, who waited a long time for the right guy. He was a con man - a fraud and he fooled me and everyone in my family. Looking back I should have gotten closer to his family and found out about
this stuff because after he left they told me they knew it was gonna happen. Anyway, he is the least of my problems now. I am completely broke, my automobile needs repairs, my dog was diagnosed with a tumor recently, I have to go back to work, I have to find someplace to live. I desperately need a place to stay for a couple of months so that I can get on my feet. I have been independent since I was 18! I'm the oldest and my parents (even then) made me feel like I was just another body that was in the way. I have no family support. Not because they can't but because they won't -- because they are selfish. This is how I've lived my whole life with family, friends and significant others. When people had a need I felt like I needed to help them. Now that I have a need, they don't feel like they need to help me. I'm angry because now I know that even if I am at the lowest point in my life, they won't be there for me and I wish that I hadn't given so much of myself to them. I'm just amazed too because 2 strangers from my church and an aquaintence helped me by giving me a small amount of cash and buying me some groceries. I am surprised, bewildered and hurt that my friends and family -- the ones that know how desperate I am are just saying things to me like - well what about
your family? or what about
your church? Nobody wants to be inconvenienced. I feel very alone and scared. I know that God will see me through this because I want to live and I want to heal. I'm just experiencing a lot of anger right now. I don't want to focus on the bad -- I want to focus on the good but I find myself feeling resentful of my friends and family right now. Does anybody ever feel this way? Does anybody have any words of encouragement?
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."