Hi Ashley, Welcome to healing well forum we are very happy to have you join us here. I can relate to what you have written. I had a rough childhood and deal with a lot of abuse issues. Sometimes for not reason at all I can be mad then it goes away, then I may be happy all of a sudden. It is weird. My brother on the other hand who also deals with the same abuse issues as me rages a lot. He isnt as good at hiding his feelings and thoughts as I am.
I never found thearpy useful either until about a year ago when I actually was ready to face what all I had inside of me. I am 33 yrs old and it had been a long time of carrying around that hurt, anger, resentment, self hate and yes, even guilt...even though I know it wasnt my fault. Even still I flip flop back and fourth...but it helps having someone who is objective, who doesnt judge you, and will give you ideas/suggestions on how to live with yourself now. Counseling helped me as my feelings were validated and I was told it was okay for me to have those feelings.
As for medication, it can be a rollercoaster for sure. It can take a while to find one that works well for you. It took me a while too and it is difficult and I did have that walking zombie feeling, but there are many medications out there that dont do that. You have to stick to your treatment plan and be open to your doctor and be willing to work with them on getting better...if that is what you really want to do.
Please do feel free to continue to post here, this is a safe place and everyone is so supportive of each other. We would love to hear more from you. Take care