Finally Reached Breaking Point

I had to train myself to take everything one step at a time. And I mean everything. Looking ahead and guessing what it would be like if something happened hurt me instead of helped me. And a lot of times what I worried about never happened which meant I got all worked up and worried for nothing.

Thank you both for your replies. I am just so frustrated. We moved to Indy in 02/06 & so I have had a struggle trying to re-establish my docs. Also, we started trying to have a baby back in 04/06 which is partly why I tapered down & went off the 3 antidepressants (with my old Psychiatrist's supervision, of course) that I had been on for over 5 years. about a month ago, I was able to finally find a therapist. Now, I am struggling to find a Psychiatrist with knowledge & experience in working with mental illness & pregnancy. I don't want to start taking an antidepressant just to take one. I want to feel comfortable knowing that it will be somewhat safe to take before, during & after pregnancy.

I just want to get out of this rut/depression that I have been in for over 3 months now. I really cannot take it anymore.

Thanks again for your support.

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DX: Clinical Depression 12/95
Bi-Polar Disorder 10/03

RX: Stopped Antidepressants 08/06
Metformin ER (Fertility)

I have not waited to get a new Psychiatrist.

I established a Psychiatrist when we first moved here & then she left the practice to go to work for a homeless organization downtown. Then, the referrals she gave me within the practice were not able to see me within 1 month. So, a staff member recommended another doctor within the practice. The first appointment with him, I left feeling worse then I felt when I got there. Here's a synopsis of what occured the second time:

Again, from the start, Dr. X was rude & condescending as he inquired about my current mental status. I informed him that for the past month I had been experiencing symptoms of severe depression. One of his first comments to me was that “in order to be happy & healthy, I need to grow up.” Then, I proceeded to disclose that I was having extreme difficulty getting out of bed daily with the exception of having to go to the bathroom & for meals. Dr. X questioned why I could not just “stay up & out of bed” since it was apparent that I was not “peeing on myself in bed.” Dr. X then said that it was “up to me to decide on a thinking level to behave better in order not to be depressed.” I questioned him as to how not being able to get out of bed could be considered “behaving” badly. As stated earlier, one of my main concerns currently is trying to get pregnant while combatting fertility issues & I stressed to Dr. X that if I did indeed need to return to taking an antidepressant that I would but that I would like a relatively safe for child birth & low dosage one would be preferred. Dr. X then suggested Paxil or Zoloft. I informed him that while doing online research, I found that both of the medications have had studies done that found a higher risk of birth defects in babies. Dr. X then questioned me as to “why I was trying to get pregnant in the first place since I could not even take care of myself .” At that point, I asked to leave the appointment entirely. I told Dr. X that I had never been so humiliated in my life or experience in seeking help with treatment for depression & bipolar disorder. He proceeded to tell me that he was being “firm” & that it was apparent that all of the therapy that I had been through in the past had obviously been “unsuccessful & had not helped or I would not be in the state that I was in today.” Dr. X then wrote a prescription & suggested that I see another physician in the practice as I exited his office. I left the practice immediately.

After I cooled off/settled myself down, then I proceeded to write a complaint letter to the practice, insurance company, state medical licensing board, as well as the state attorney general. Hopefully they will re-evaluate his status.

I have also seen 2 more psychiatrists who have also not worked out. The first was very old & I had to repeat myself over & over again & then he prescribed Symbyax. After doing some online research, the first thing that I read about it stated "not to get pregnant" & "not to take past 20 weeks of pregnancy." The second one just did not work out either. As I have stated before, after dealing with depression & bipolar for as long as I have, I will no longer settle for mediocre mental health physicians nor will I just take an antidepressant for the sake of taking one.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with yet another psychiatrist which my new therapist has referred me to. So, we'll see.

P.S. We are trying to conceive. I am not pregnant yet.

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DX: Clinical Depression 12/95
Bi-Polar Disorder 10/03

RX: Stopped Antidepressants 08/06
Metformin ER (Fertility)

I am here if you ever need to talk as it sounds like we are in similar situations and by the way, I am so sorry you had such a bad experience with the counciling, that is horrible those people are suppose to be there to be a positive thing for you and they got paid for it on top of it, luckily I have found some very good ones just can't get to them as often as I need to with my daughter and it is kind of far, but there are very good ones out there you just need to find them. Also this site has a wonderful group of people on it and great monitors too so that should be a great source of therapy for you also. just know you are not alone. also do you know about the chat rooms?


scaredy

i just wanna reply and say good luck to you.
be strong, god bless

All the best.