You could be taking the words right out of my mouth in some ways, except that some of the circumstances are a little different. I am 30 in February. I have two kids but I was 19 when I had my son. Since he was born my life has been run by the needs of my family and the natural ebss and tides of life. I have tried to go back to school but without success, mainly because of financial reasons. I want to start my own business but once again financial reasons have forced me to put that on hold. I often feel like my life is at the mercy of every one elses. And unlike you, I work in a clerical position and I hate it!!!!! With a passion!!!! It's not a natural thing for me. I am a very creative person and I find clerical work drains all my creativity. Anyways, my point is (I'm not really sure I had one, but I'll try!!!) that I have been struggling with the same question(s) as you. Is being a mom and wife all there is to the purpose of my life and should I just be happy with that? Problem is even if the answer to that question is yes, I am not happy with it. And I do do charity work. In the last two years I've raised nearly $3,500 for Breast Cancer, and I have another fundraiser planned for next year. I love fundraising work but when you don't have the time to commit to it, it's very hard. And I guess that's where my problem lies, I feel like I spend the majority of my life being the servant of others, and very little of my life looking after my own needs, and if I do, I feel guilty for it... The question is where do you draw the line between your needs and theirs? Who knows, it's different for everybody. I just know that had I been given the choice, I'd have drawn the line much further out from me and there'd have been more room for my choices and my needs along the way, but as it was, that choice was ripped from me when I was 18/19 by a careless ***hole who couldn't keep his sexual desires under control..... Sorry, did that sound angry at all to you!!!!! Even ten years later I still feel a lot of anger over that one. Unfortunately it's an angry emotion that conflicts with the fact that I love my son dearly and wouldn't give him up for anything now. So should I be thankful to "him" or continue to be angry? I'm still looking for that answer. Anyways, I got off on a tangent there.
Fundraising and charity work can definitely help. But it sounds like you've lived a good life up til this point and have few/no regrets, and that if you started a family now and committed yourself to that, you'd be able to live with it. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck!
It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....