Dear IsThereHope?... Your words resonate with me so very deeply! I have been where you are and I hope you can believe my words as I tell you, "You WILL get through this time. YOU ARE ABLE to live a happy, healthy, and balanced life despite the depression." I have major depression/dysthymia; diagnosed Oct 2003, on my 4th med. I am currently on disability leave from my job due to my condition and continue to seek EVERY resource to help me improve - self-education, counseling/therapy, groups, hospitalization, art/expression, and prayer, prayer, prayer!
I'm having a hard time at work. I teach special ed in the morning and feel like I am the worst teacher in the world. I work so hard, I stay every night until 6pm and still feel like there are millions of things to do. I feel like I am drowning.
THESE ARE JUST MY WORDS:
After my hospitalization for my depression I attended an intensive outpatient therapy program that taught COGNITIVE THERAPY. Basically, it teaches you how to look at the way you think and how it affects your depression. Why do I mention this? I learned that I CANNOT ALLOW FEELINGS TO INFLUENCE REALITY. The reality of your situation: you have depression, you are strong, dedicated, determined, compassionate... I KNOW these things just from your statement above. How? You are strong because EVERYONE who lives with depression IS INCREDIBLY STRONG! You are dedicated because you CHOOSE to go to work and stay until 6pm. You are determined because despite how you FEEL you continue to push through it as well as you reach out however you can (e.g. this post). You must be compassionate in order to be a special ed teacher... I don't even know you but can tell you are an EXTRAORDINARY PERSON!!
I want to be happy so badly. no ones suggestions seem to help. why can't I just snap out of this. I hate myself and I want to like myself...
JUST MY WORDS:
There is no snapping out of depression but you can be happy, you can like - and yes, even LOVE - yourself. Keep doing what you're doing - reach out, don't give up on meds/therapy/yourself, find a network of support for these really tough times.
I want to do a better job at work or I will lose my job. I cry at work sometimes... I have people up my butt bc I told some people I was having trouble.... more pressure. I got a bad observation.
JUST MY WORDS:
Depression is a medically recognized disability and you have rights regarding work under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Look into your options with your employer, do your own research; don't wait for things to get worse, act to protect your job, take a leave if needed and focus on your health.
Everything feels like it is bad. I want to smile again and be happy. I really want to. I hate this feeling. My husband doesn't believe in depression and keeps telling me to snap out of it, do things different, change my mind set, etc.... so much easier said than done. I quit smoking a few months ago and I just feel like I should go back to it, it helped take the edge off a little bit. I am really forgetful and I spaced going to an important dr appt last week. How can I forget important things? what is wrong with me. why do I have to feel like this.
JUST MY WORDS:
It is essential that you develop a network of supporters! If you wanted to start a business or accomplish some other goal like running a marathon what's your first step? Surround yourself with people that have experience and can support your goal! You need the same in this situation. A good start is with the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (www.dbsalliance.org)
YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS! There is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU AS A PERSON, you simply have depression. NORMAL IS A MYTH... 14.8 MILLION people in the US suffer from depression (twice as many women than men). YOU ARE NOT ALONE - all you have to do is reach out and refuse to give up!