You are NOT a loser! You do NOT suck at life. Look at the courage it takes for you to get up and do the things that you are doing. Depression is an illness. It is kicking your butt right now (me too) but you are stronger than you know. My goodness you are even abstaining from the ciggarettes! I know that this is cliche but "this too will pass." This is temporary. You will get stronger, you will get better. Are you seeing a psychologist? You need someone to talk to. Also check out an online support system www.moodgym.com. Also, a lot of the larger community churches have support groups. I attend one called "Celebrate Recovery." I go to the "Depression/anxiety" group. You need to have people that you can be transparent - 100% REAL and not ashamed. This is not your fault but their is lots to do to help yourself. It will take time. I pray that things get better real soon.
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."