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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/14/2006 6:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi...My name is Crystal and I am new to the site. I wanted to tell you a little about me and why I am here.
First, I am a 23 yr old mother of 3 boys (6,4,1) and 15 weeks pregnant. I am married and have been for 2 years on Nov 27. My husband has been affected by my depression and cant understand the basics of him no matter how lamen I get. To me, our marriage has been shaky for the past year. I have been feeling really down and feel like I am not attractive to him. I am realizing that its my depression fighting with him, not me.
I have been battling depression for about 10 years. When I was young about 10 to 15 years old, I had many thoughts of suicide and wrote poems to relieve the thoughts. If you want I can post them for anyone who wants to read them. To me I felt like I could handle it. It got a little worse when I had my son and started having thoughts of smothering him. He is now 6 years old and all those thought have vanished. Whenever I felt that way, I went out and had my mom take care of him. With each kid, it gets worse. I cry all the time, feel like Im not worthy of having a family and feel alone all the time. I dont take medication because I dont want to feel like a zombie, and I cant now because Im pregnant, my doctor wont prescribe anything. I dont want to go to a psychologist because of privacy and embarrasment issues. I also have a vengful ex that would use it against me in a court battle if he ever found out. So I stay hidden and hide my depression
Everyone on my moms side has depression and half of them are now alcoholics. I dont want to turn into that.
I was watching Oprah today and realized that psychosis and bi polar can string from depression and that scared me. On there was a father who killed his 2 five year old girls because he wasnt getting adequate help with his depression. I decided to join a post because nobody here knows me and its easier to talk about. I have been having issues non-stop for about 2 months. I lash out at my 2 youngest kids for stupid reasons and I hide in my room all the time to not do that to my kids. I avoid them because I stay at home with them all day everyday and am afraid I will get too angry and might spank them too hard or too much.. I feel like a horrible mother but know I can get through this if I have someone who understands to talk to. I admit I am in emotional trouble because of existing depression(genetic) pregnancy depression and emotional trauma from my childhood depression.. I am working on it but need a little more..

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/14/2006 7:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey CjThayer

I know its hard to deal, I'm 17 and I have a depressive disorder. To tell you the truth, it’s all about the help you get. Therapists are completely confidential, there no reason your ex should ever find out, no one even needs to know your going and though its really hard to start talking to a complete stranger there so help full and know so much. I would recommend you see a psychiatrist though just because you said much of your family has or has had depression and there is allot of genetic influence, It could be a chemical imbalance. Don’t completely rule out drugs though the right kind for the right person can make all the difference. I good psychiatrist should be able to help you find the right stuff and there plenty to choose from.

Hang in there

DX: SEVER DEPPRESIVE DISORDER, HOPTHYROID(don't actualy have thyriod gland)


Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 11/14/2006 9:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Find a psychiatrist you can talk too. They have heard it all and can't tell anyone. I was fighting horrible depression a few months ago and my doc put me on meds. Is there nothing you can take while pregnant? If not, I would call a psyc. just so you can learn how to deal with some of it.
Come here and talk as much as you want, lots of people here to listen and it can help to just get it out.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/14/2006 9:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Crystal -- so very glad you reached out here. You simply must NOT hide, avoid, isolate & alienate. Depression can be fatal. You must continue to seek help. Please do get a psychiatrist. Do not worry about your ex finding out. It is completely confidential. Talk to the therapist about these fears first if you need to . I saw the Oprah show today. I thought it was EXCELLENT. I grieve what happened to those 2 little girls. Once, a while back a man admitted on this forum that he was having homicidal thoughts toward his Brother. I pray that he took everyones advice and got help. The mind should not be underestimated. It is a very powerful organ and depression left untreated can turn into psychosis. Please get yourself to a talk therapist and a doctor who can prescribe you anti-d's. If you are pregnant then you should talk to a psychiatrist about it and if you are not, you really should take care of YOU before you have another child. I know it is none of my business but why are you trying to get pregnant? You have been blessed with 3 children and now you need to focus on your mental health or else there will be no "you" to take care of them. You are a very important person being their Mommy. Please talk to your friends, church, therapist, etc. There is a REASON you watched the Oprah show today. Please keep posting. Let us know your progress.
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 11/15/2006 9:57 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Crystal, First let me welcome you to healing well forum, we are happy to have you join us and that you have reached out for help.  It is difficult I know.  You have received some excellent suggestions/advice from our members so far.  I too watched Oprah yesterday and thought it was informative but in no way typical actions of someone who has depression.  It was an extreme case and very sad indeed.  I have an extensive background of working in the mental health care field; I have a BS in psychology and am working on my master’s degree.  I also have major depression, anxiety/panic disorder with ptsd which I have had for many yrs. 

You do need to see a psychiatrist for your depression.  These thoughts you posted about do have the potential to get out of hand and especially when you’re pregnant and your hormones are out of whack it will just make matters even worse.  It is completely confidential; they can’t talk or release information about you to anyone...not even your husband unless you give consent to.  Also, there are many medications that can help and hopefully won’t make you feel like a zombie...and since you have passed your 12 week in your pregnancy it is safe to now take an antidepressant.  Please seek help and let us know how you’re doing...take care

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/16/2006 7:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for all the advice..I will decide what i want to dowhen I get my insurance back so right now i cant go anyway...

Brenda M
Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 54
   Posted 11/16/2006 9:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Cj... i gotta go to bed right now i gotta be at work @ 3 in the morning but i will talk to you more tomorrow about your post  i understand EXACTLY what youre going through... so youre not alone
                                       talk to you tomorrow    brenda
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