Thanks for clicking and reading my problem
Im 15 years old and im a sophomore.
i play volleyball and ever since volleyball season has started along with school, i feel so different of myself. i felt so alone, my fellowteam mates would be angry at my for not playing well, they put me down alot. My school grades dropped and im in honors classes. I keep thinking to myself that i cant do this anymore, i wanted to get help but i wasnt sure weather i needed help. I always put myself down.I push my friends away and i cry alot at thinks i thought i would never cry about. I cant concentrate or remember things as much. i use to be soo out going but i've been staying home so much just hanging around my room and thinking of all the failures, putting my self down. It was about a week ago when i suddenly got so mad that i snapped at my friends, for some reason i was really angry at the fact that they never payed attention to me, and now when i think of it i feel selfish. i never get mad at my friends.When i go to sleep i sleep late and get nervous and wonder whats gonna happen the next day on a school night. Im not motivated to do anything. I cant even study, I just think of myself as a unwanted person and that I dont belong anywhere. I feel so isolated and no one can help me. Im always alone now! it was untill i watched the oprah show and she was talking about being depressed, as she talked about it i started to cry. what the doctor said on the show made me feel so upset. I need help but i want to know if im depressed and if so where can i get help?
i didnt want to tell the school counselor cause im afraid she would send me to a place where i will have to pay money to see someone for help, my mother isnt able to pay the expenses due to her income. I dont have a father and its hard for me to tell my siblings that im have this problem. I hardly talk to anyone, and if i talk to my friends its very akward and i feel insecure.I have many firiends, but they are distant from me. I have no one to go too and i kept this inside of me too long. I try to bring myself up but it doesnt last long. I worry about myself everyday. I dont want to go to school tomorrow. I dont want to face it. I hope some one replys or you will motivate me and guide me throught this hard time. thank you for taking time too read about my story here.