I completely understand. I was so nervous for Thanksgiving, my doctor prescribed me Ativan to get through it. I was hospitalized for my eating disorder, and while I was there they tried to put me on the Zyprexa, but it made me severely dizzy and orthostatic. I never got the increased appetite though, but I may not have been on it long enough for that side effect to kick in. I had to go back to the psychiatric hospital to get reevaluated for admission, and the ER doc tried to prescribe me a pill to make me gain weight, but I said no thanks, I'm not ready for that yet. What I am sick of is always counting calories, and feeling like I can never go over a certain number or I'm a horrible person and then I need to be punished. Now with Christmas coming up, I have to worry about even more holiday food. It is so triggering. I just wish for once, I could let myself indulge in one cookie or something, but my fear of food is just too much. The holidays are definitely not a jolly time of year all the time for me. Take care.
"Of one thing I am certain, the body is not the measure of healing - peace is the measure. ~George Melton~"