thank you all for your responces:)
town didn't go well i kinda freaked out when things didn't go the way they where planned, i went into the chemist late to pick up my repeat script and started stuttering my request for my meds how embrassing! lol everything was out of my usual routine and i freaked!.. i was in down town longer then i wanted to be.. i usally zap on through, and hide in our car waiting for mum to come back, but i had to stay longer which freaked me out! my nervs and stress levels where at the peak as usuall in anticipation of the appoinment later that day..
when i got there waiting in the waiting room my head was spinning and my heart was pounding, i closed my eyes to try to control it, concentrated on my breathing blocking the other people waiting out..
when i finally went in i felt alot better so things went okay at the phyicatrist, i was more open towards him so he could get an understanding of what was happening, he knows about the rocking and the social phodia i had, i asked him a few other questions, one of which was bothering perticularly that day,.. someone asked me how old i was, and that i sounded young (fear of people, fear of people talking about me etc..), then i released that some of my issues most people had already delt with when they where younger so why the hell at my age am i like that now?
i asked him if he throught i was weird, and that shouldn't someone of my age not be bothered by what other people say?
i asked him if it was strange.. he said a small percentage of people do have my problem, and that because of the way my life had gone that i have been mentally developing more slowly.. meaning that the stage i am at now most people would have already gone through when they where younger, and that over time he hoped i would move on in my life, he suggested because i dont perticulary want to be like this when i get even older! so after he told me that it is okay, which made me feel better.. and i couldn't understand why i was that way, but now i do:)
but i did feel ashamed when that person asked me how old i was and i felt arkward and i was afaird they would never talk to me again..
i said to my phyciatrist the i needed this forum to unmuddle the mess in my head to try to get my mind untangled from everything that is happening and has happened.. to get me back on track..
I felt elated after the appointment, i felt really good like a weight had been lifted... it encorraged me to go back to the animal shelter where i used to voluneeter and said i was coming back next friday, and i think the positive music is starting to rub off on me too :)
i dont get out of the house much smiler, battling this annoying social phobia, im afaird of bumping into to people not knowing what to say or react, i get quite paranoid that some local will drive past and i feel quite self concious.. i hope that getting back to the animal shelter will help me battle this problem to get me used to be around people again..
hopefulmigrainer *hugs*, i hope you feel better soon too, talking about it helps, keeping it all inside keeps it inside and keeps reoccuring the thoughs coming up again and again..
my phyciatrist said the same thing that i use this to keep myself calm, and that i should keep doing it and over time he hopes i can replace the rocking with some other things to calm me down which i can do in public which i guess is more acceptable, becasue right now i cant have people in my life because they wouldn't understand the rocking.. so i am alone in that area for the moment.. plus i've told him that its ingrained and that i get restless if i dont do after a few days that i get down in the dumps about it.. its good to know that my rocking is being taken seriously i was afaird that it wouldn't be, he didn't make fun of me...
i think hes avoiding suggesting councilling because he knows that no-one there at the hospital wants to work with me anymore, because im not responsive to there theriapy and they would rather not see me turn up there every week again..
enough for today....
takecare everyone:) *hugs*