Thank you for your reply. I've tried psycotherapy in the past for quite a number of years, 2 different therapists and all I got from those sessions was bitterness. It was too expensive to continue.
I've tried all sorts of things, even activities you mentioned including going to a church. Again, I tried a couple of places here but unfortunately I found people were too aggressive. If you didn't embrace their ideology with the same passion as they did they would become critical of you and bump you off. I've even joined book clubs and joined dance clubs but where I live friendships are just supeficial.
Living such a life is too exhausting for me now. Making so much effort and not getting anything back. I'm not living a life at all, there is no life in me now and I don't what I am doing here. My only companion is the shops and 2 little toys I've had hanging on since I was a child.
I'm at the stage now that I attribute people with hurt and misery and I don't think I can ever find a way to deal with any kind of friendship or relationship anymore. I just don't like people anymore.
I feel that no one really understands.